Relieving Stress
by Makoto04
Summary: Cas and Dean are together for 5 years now. Dean is a firefighter, Cas is... Well, for Cas' occupation, read the story. It started out as a oneshot, but right now I can't see the end of it, because those two want me to tell their whole story, in bit's and pieces and flashbacks. And while having lots of sex. AU.
1. Relieving Stress

**Hi there!**  
**Soooo this isn't my first SPN fic, but the first I wrote in english. So please be gentle!**

**Betad by the lovely deansamcas! Thank you so much! **

**Aaaaand this fic is dedicated to one of the craziest, insanest, most awsome person I know. She is great and also one of my best friends. This is my amend for my past never fullfilled promises about writing porn :)**  
**Soooo this is for you my dear SupernaturalLifestyle!**

**And guys seriously! Check out her fic. Dean's new life! It's great! If you love angst, and porn and epic love and some more angst and porn, yeah! Then you HAVE to read her work!**

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Dean could barely contain the victorious grin he felt spreading across his face as Cas lunged at him, a feral growl escaping his throat.  
Oh, yeah. That was just what he needed right now. You see, Dean was (at least in his mind) a very-very manly guy, all the rock and muscle cars with leather jackets, burgers and beers. But this didn't mean that he was against cuddling sometimes- at least not with Cas. Of course, Cas was sworn to secrecy under the penalty of death caused by a tea-spoon in the eye (and YES, it might be not the most intimidating thing to say and yeah, Cas pretty much laughed at him openly in the face, but it's still VERY painful), if he ever told Sam. Or, you know, just anybody.

But after days like this, a whole new (maybe, just maybe) not so manly side of him sneaked to the surface.

See, Dean is a fire fighter (MANLY as hell!), and a very good one. But after Bobby retired, he left Dean in charge, and that just added to the stress that had already built up within himself every day – saving people, and all that jazz. Now, he personally was responsible not just for the lives of civilians, but also for his men. Or women (and in case he forgot about them, he got remembered by all the teasing from Pam and Jo every day – really, they had to invite him to a girls-night?).

And just today, he almost lost one of his men. Victor – that stupid ass, his stupidity will be one of the reasons for the early decease of one Dean Winchester– went into the house and somehow forgot to come out. At the time Benny grabbed his sorry ass out Dean could swear he lost half of his remaining life, which given Dean's job wasn't that long in default. He wanted to charge in but Benny unceremoniously shoved him back and ran inside himself and got that stupid ass out just before the damn house collapsed.

So yeah. A little bit stressed. And what does a stressed Dean want? In a manly way of course. Getting fucked. Hard. Mercilessly.

The only problem is, that Cas – as awesome he is, and as much Dean loves him more than air and pie and Baby – is a pussy. Tender, loving, massage giving and hey, nothing's wrong with that, at least not in Dean's dictionary. But Cas loves to make love to Dean, not fuck his brains out. This still IS the best thing ever, but comes after getting his brains fucked out.

Cas is also just a guy. And after living together with somebody for five years, you learn all the weaknesses.  
Cas only has one. It is called getting drunk. But not just drunk with some booze, but he needs to drink wine. Cas can hold his liquor but give him a glass of wine? He is gone for.

It's like living with two different people– when Dean told Sam about it, and after Sam bleached his brains of the mental images given by Dean, his giant of a little brother started to laugh at him, and told him something about this author, some chick named Kelly… no. Nelly? Right, Sally. The poor chick had five different personalities so Dean realised he was really lucky because he only has to deal with two. The second one can be kept under control, unless Dean wants to release it. Him. Whatever.

And tonight Dean wants to release the animal which is wine-drunken Cas. All the loving tenderness flies out of the window and takes a break for the rest of the night. Or day.

And given the dark pupils, the animalistic sounds and the feral grin, Dean has succeeded. Point for Team Wild Sex.

At this point Dean sincerely doubts that they will make it to the bedroom. Dean made sure of it. Getting Cas wine-drunk, and provoke him with just a few words was more than enough.

And holy shit, Cas is grabbing his shirt and pushing Dean against the counter. Hard. Almost hurts. But Dean welcomes the pain with every atom of his body, as it helps to leave the stress of responsibility behind. Give up control. That's what it is about.

- You little slut. – Cas growls and Dean's upstairs brain leaves the building, and probably goes after loving and tender Cas. – You want to play this game with me? You think you are all big and macho? I give you something big, just wait. Tell me, slut, can you take it?

- Y…yes. – at this point Dean's voice is barely more than a moan. This just seems to flare the fire in Cas. Dude's like fucking Rome at that big fire everybody accused to be Nero's doing. Lips hot on Dean's throat, licking, nibbling, biting. Hands roaming over Dean's crotch hard in his jeans – right to the point. No foreplay then. At least not too much. The biting still counts.

The next thing Dean is aware of is Cas spinning him so that Dean faces the counter and pressing him into it, bending him over. Their shirts are still on, but Dean has already reached to point of no return, as has Cas, so nobody cares.

Cas is tugging at Dean's jeans and slides them down to his knees, but no further.

- Stay like this! – Cas commands. Dean happily obeys. He can't really spread his legs, which makes him more tight. Hell yeah!

But then Cas is leaving, his body heat withdrawing and a chill runs down Dean's spine. The next moment Dean's hands are forced behind his back and another moment later his wrists are bound. Tight, with Cas's tie. Dean's already so hard, he just wants to come, to scream, to urge Cas, but there's no need for it. The next thing Dean knows, Cas is spreading his cheeks with one hand, and then he has two fingers up his ass, dry. No lube. It burns and hurts and Dean's despite this Dean only grows harder. Cas deliberately avoids his prostate and opens him up with hard, precise movements of his fingers.

Dean can't help it. He moans and whines like a bitch in heat (Okay, so maybe he isn't so manly but who cares? His brain has left the scene already, along with his dignity. Screw them anyway).

- You really love that, you little bitch, don't you? – Cas's voice is more like a cracked groan and all Dean can do is nod and whine some more. It still hurts.

– Tell me, you little cockslut. What do you want? You want to take it? Take it so hard and so deep that you can't move properly for days? You want everybody to see what I gave you next time you limp inside that precious workplace of yours? -

- C…Casssss… Please… I'm begging you, give it to me… - Yeah, no dignity. Just pure, senseless begging and raw pain. Take what you get. Dean feels the tears escape his eyes, and presses his face harder to the cold surface of the counter.

- What did you just call me, boy? Aren't you just a precious boy toy? Tell me Dean, who I am to you?

- S…sssssir! Sorry sir. Please give it to me, sir. 'm your little s…s…sluuuuaaaaaaahhhhhrrrrgh…

His last words blur into an uncontrollable moan as Cas adds two more fingers in one rough movement. Cas crooks his fingers inside him and Dean can't help the raw scream that escapes his mouth. Cas's dark laugh rings in his ears, as hot tears roll down his cheeks.

His breathing is ragged, uneven. Cas's hand leaves his ass-cheek and lands on the back of his neck, holding him down, as he pulls out his fingers. Dean lets out a little, needy whine at the loss which is quickly replaced with another long scream as Cas pushes his cock inside him. He is somehow lubricated, but not that much. Dean can't even remember or imagine when and how Cas did it, not that it matters.

What matters, though, is that Cas is pushing in, hard and merciless he bottoms, just to pull out with the same speed and roughness. Dean opens his mouth – to scream, to moan, but no sound comes out as Cas starts to pound into him in earnest. Quick, hard movements, but this time Cas is hitting his prostate every time he pushes, leaving Dean gaping soundlessly. Cas, of course, mutters under his breath, dirty endearments about Dean tightness, how slutty Dean is and how perfect a toy he is, only for Cas's pleasure.

Dean is only half aware that he is nodding obediently along and can feel his orgasm build up setting a painfully pleasurable fire in his whole body. He can see dark spots dancing behind his closed eyelids, and after two more thrusts he is coming, hard and perfect and finally he finds his voice, as he screams again but this time Cas's name on his tongue.

He barely has time to come down, his vision is still blurry, when he can feel the tie loosen on his wrists, and then Cas is dragging him up by his hair and spins him around, leaving Dean's head spinning. But Cas doesn't give him time to regain his breath, before he is pushed down unceremoniously onto his knees and Cas forces his lips open and shoves his still hard cock inside his mouth and face-fucks him with short, strong thrusts and such dominant authority that Dean is forced to take it. He braces himself against the counter, grabs Cas's tights and starts to suck.

- Aaaaaaaaahhh, yesss my little slut. You suck like a pro… - Cas growls and then thrusts inside Dean's mouth four more times and comes down his throat.

Not much later Dean is fresh showered and sated in the bed, wincing every time he moves, but smiling nevertheless. Cas is sound asleep next to him wine-drunk and satisfied arms wrapped securely possessively around Dean. Dean presses his nose to his lover's neck, inhales his scent, and kisses the warm skin he finds there. He knows that the next morning Cas will feel guilty and Dean has to convince him over again, that it was great. It was perfect. Then Cas will kiss him lovingly, caress him and will say 'sorry', not in words, but with every act, and will cuddle Dean's manliness to death.  
Yeah. Cas can be a pussy. But he is everything Dean wants and has wanted for a long time. He is perfect.


	2. The Morning After

**And Cas wakes up the next morning...**

**betad by deansamcas! thanks again girl! :) **

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Cas is torn. Torn between two really strong emotions; guilt and murderous rage. He still hasn't decided which one is stronger. He looks at his lover (hah, LOVEer… what a joke, as right now Cas can't muster up too much love, despite how desperately he is searching for it), his cocky, half-asleep smile, his sparkling green eyes. Ok, so that is what is going to happen. Cas will apologize (In spite of the fact that that SOB tricked him into drink wine), and then fucking kill Dean Winchester. Killing him would have it perks, actually. Cas doesn't have to be afraid, that one day Dean won't come home. So yeah. Totally flawless plan. Kill him.

Cas casts another glance to his slowly awakening partner, and Dean probably notices that Cas is a bit off, because he sits up abruptly… and then winces and fucking WHINES! Just a little, a reluctant sound but it's still there. It screws with Cas and his too-soft heart. And his soft spot for the more handsome, but definitely more infuriating Winchester brother.

He leans closer to Dean, whose eyes widen, comically and somewhat innocently, and kisses him.

- I'm sorry… - Cas murmurs into the kiss.

- C'mon Cas! We both know that I wanted this, and that it wasn't your fault.

- Still… I hated to do that to you.

- And for the thousandth time, I love it when you do that to me. Occasionally.

Cas stares at him, and can perfectly see that Dean fidgets under his gaze but smiles nonetheless. And he dares to smile victoriously.

Yep. Definitely kill the sexy bastard. Cas inwardly sighs and decides, that payback is a bitch. And that Winchester is going to pay for this. But right now? He just needs a shower and some coffee. Speaking of…

- Are you in pain?

Dean shrugs and grins. Bastard.

- Nothing I can't handle.

Cas raises an eyebrow at him, and Dean's grin disappears.

- What? – there is distinct fear in his voice. Good.

- I'm going to take a shower. Long and hot. And sadly, very sadly for you, alone. For the whooooole week. – Cas knows, that there is something sadistic about how much he enjoys the sight of Dean's dropped jaw. He also knows that Dean is quite fond of his body, glistening under the shower-spray.

– But don't worry, Dean. I'm going to leave that door open, and you'll be able to hear everything. You know how much I love those long, hot showers in the morning. Making myself wet and sticky. All hot and hard. Soaping my skin, gently washing my cock, stroking it, until I'm hard. Then a little bit more. You know how it looks like, right? My eyes all closed, I'm tipping my head back, baring my throat, groaning in pleasure as I pick up the speed, moving faster and faster until I can't hold back anymore, and come all over my hands, the tiles…

At this point Cas thinks that Dean might have a stroke at any second. His pupils are blown, his breathing uneven, a hard blush is spreading his cheeks and he can't seem to stop licking his lips. Cas grins. And he can feel that his grin is not a nice one. It's sadistic and satisfied. But he is far from satisfied, at least, not physically. He is hard. And he is going to take care of it under the shower. Loudly. VERY loudly. A little showtime for the lovely jerk that is Dean Winchester, soon to be late Dean Winchester, judging by his current facial expression.

- And while I'm at it, you can prepare the breakfast. - Dean's face is priceless as he processes the meaning of those words.

Cas grabs Dean's hand, and guides it to his erection. He leans closer and whispers in Dean's ear, just a gently blown breath of hot air to the sensitive lobe:

- Payback IS a bitch, my little bitch.


	3. Payback IS a bitch

**Ok, I planned it to be a short drabble about the punishment, but those two just decided they want more, and again, I couldn't stop myself.**  
**Not sure, but might have some more coming up.**  
**Seriously, hate those guys. They won' leave me alone once I start :))**

**betad by deansamcas! thank you for your efforts girl! I know you are busy and I'm very grateful that you still take the time and beta my work!**

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_Fuck my life_, Dean thinks as he's preparing the coffee just as Cas likes it; milk, no sugar.  
During the last three days Dean has started to re-think his opinions on his loving and tender Cas. Because, really, this Cas is a merciless, teasing son of a bitch. Sexy as hell, Dean has to admit, but he won't, – at least the sexy part – because right now it physically hurts him to put Cas and any synonym for sex(y) in the same sentence.

Cas is keeping his word (no showering together), and somewhere along the way it became no sex as well. That is, no sex at all, for a week. Dean is pretty sure that Cas is trying to end him. Cause of death? Blue balls. By the end of the week, they'll probably be purple, or as blue as that bastard's eyes. Dean winces at the thought.

Cas cuddles him pretty much every night. Kisses him, caresses him. He is gentle. And every time Dean tries to take it further, Cas gently shoves him back. The fucker.  
His colleagues started to notice that something was wrong on the second day. Of course, that psycho bitch Pam guessed perfectly (the teasing begun immediately), that sex-deprivation was the cause of Dean's almost Bobby-like grumpiness. That's a mental picture he never wanted. Or the knowledge he never ever wanted; the reason for Bobby's grumpiness, because he just doesn't want to think about Bobby and sex (or the lack of it) in the same sentence.  
Aaaaand he did it again. His libido just died. At this, Dean's ears perk up. He grins. His boner is gone. He sends a mental thanks to his former boss surrogate father, and starts to fry some bacon.  
He found an antidote. With the help of it he can survive the week.

Of course, Dean forgets about one tiny little component of the equation. He could call it X, but why bother as it has a name already. Cas. That bastard. True to his words (again), Cas starts to jerk off in the shower. With the doors wide open – Dean is not allowed to close the door, either.  
And he can be loud. Extremely so. Dean can hear him crystal clear, despite of the running water and the sizzling bacon. He isn't even allowed to turn on the radio. When did this become his life?  
He is the man in this relationship – of course Cas again just laughed in his face and went to take a shower – and since when is Cas the one making the rules, like no music and door closing while Cas is in the shower?  
Dean is no goldfish so he still can remember that first morning. He started to protest against the punishment, after Cas explained the rules. He might have gotten a little too enthusiastic. Cas, however, raised another unimpressed eyebrow at him, and asked coldly:

- Do you wish to make it two weeks?

Dean closed his mouth immediately. Since when did Cas become this controlling and dominating? Is he secretly drinking wine? Dean thinks not, because drunken Cas can't keep his hands off Dean. This Cas seems to be perfectly able to do so.

The last time Dean has been this familiar with his own right hand was when he was still a teenager. Luckily Cas didn't set any rules against jerking off. Dean guesses he can be grateful for this.

Another loud moan from the shower makes Dean's head spin. He has a very vivid picture in his head how Cas looks like right now. Naked, glorious and wet, stroking himself and twisting his hand at the head of his thick, hard cock. Those beautiful blues, all dark and half lidded. Dean loves how he bits his bottom lip, and how the water runs down his naked torso, his well-defined back and sexy as hell ass, making his skin silk-like and oh-so edible. Dean is certain that he going to die.

He can't hold back anymore, takes the pan off the stove, and slides his hand inside his boxer briefs. He grabs his already very much awake best friend and moans. The picture of Cas in his head tips back his head and the Dean in his imagination kisses his throat and starts to lick up his way to those now half-parted lips and captures it in a heated kiss.

Dean works himself to completion hard and fast. He is so wrapped up in his own pleasure, that he doesn't notice the sudden silence or Cas approaching, still wet and wrapped in a towel. So it is no wonder that he jumps at his partner's voice from the kitchen door.

- That's a view I could get used to.

Dean whines and lets go of his achingly hard cock, and looks up somewhat reluctantly only to be met with amused blue eyes and a devilish grin.

- Oh, please Dean. Don't stop on my account. Carry on if you wish.

Dean grabs his cock again, and starts stroking, now fully facing Cas, who loses the towel. Dean's eyes widen at the sight of him. Water droplets are still running down Cas' body and he is still hard. The bastard didn't finish it in the shower. He came out to watch Dean. He probably heard him or he's just psychic like that bitch Pam. Or he might just know Dean all too well.

- Pull down your boxers, Dean.

Dean obeys like his life depends on it. Which it probably does.  
He drops his boxers on the floor and starts to stroke again. In the haze of his pleasure he can see that Cas is doing the same, while watching Dean like a hawk. Dean picks up the speed, but is stopped by the next command.

- Turn around. Use some butter and put two of your fingers up your ass. Now!

The authority in the growl is unmistakable. Dean, just the good little slut he is for Cas (during the last three days Dean has, reluctantly, admitted as much. He is a little bitch for Cas), does what Cas wants from him. Crap, is that hot, or what?

He turns his back to Cas, puts some butter on his fingers and shoves them up his ass without hesitation.  
Dean should be embarrassed by the sounds he is making, except for some reason he isn't. He is past caring. If he does well on this, Cas might fuck him.  
At the thought Dean sneaks his other hand in the direction of his neglected cock, but Cas stops him.

- No touching!

Dean whines again, but lets his hand fall back onto the counter. This fucking counter, where all his suffering started. But at the time he had no idea of the price he was going to pay the next morning for his little actions.  
Dean is desperate by now. He needs it. Oh, God, he needs it bad. Anything from Cas. Just one caress, just one meagre little touch. Or, even better, his dick buried deep in his ass. Dean let's his head fall into the crook of his elbow and works himself open, displayed for Cas' pleasure. He pictures Cas doing it for him, that those fingers are Cas's, not his own. He might let out a sob, which sounds just like the name of his partner.

- What it is what you want Dean? – comes a low chuckle from the other side of the kitchen. Yeah, he definitely sobbed the bastards name out, considering the sheer amusement and desire in that deep voice.

- I want… I want you… Inside. Please Cas… God I need you… so much. – he pants like a marathon runner.

- I know Dean, but you've been bad. Very bad. Bad boys need punishment. And I am going to do just that. Punish you, Dean. Hard. Until you break down and beg for mercy. And when you beg I am going to punish you further. I am going to take you apart, Dean. I will watch you becoming a shivering, babbling, mindless mess.

Ok, Dean's brain short circuits and closes up shop, probably for good. Since WHEN did Cas learn to speak like this while sober? He wants to ask, but all is coming out is a ragged, whiny sob as he continues to fuck himself open with his fingers deep in his ass, brushing his prostate with every thrust.

- You are not allowed to come, Dean Winchester. Do you understand? If you dare to come before I say so, I am going to tie you to the bed put a cock-ring on you and will leave you there for the day. With a vibrator shoved up your pretty little ass. And if you complain, I might gag you.

Dean wants to say yes but the only thing he can muster is another sob. But it seems to be enough for Cas, as he hums in approval.

- Now tell me Dean, what it is you want. Do you want me to fuck you? Or rim you? Maybe you just want me to suck your dirty-dirty cock until you come without permission? Or maybe deep down you want me to make my threats real and tie you up and leave you there to suffer until you forget your own name. Is that what you want?

Dean is a blabbering mess by now. He thinks he might say yes, but he isn't sure about it. At this point he would say yes to pretty much everything if it keeps Cas talking. It doesn't matter anymore WHAT Cas is saying, as long he keeps talking in that deep, rough voice.  
It's a miracle he hasn't come yet. His erection is painful and he is about to collapse to the kitchen floor, his knees are shaking so hard.

- Tell me Dean, or I'm going to make you stop.

The idea of stopping right now is unbearable, so Dean grits his teeth and hisses out some words that should make sense to him, but really didn't.

- Do.. Want it… Up in my… your dick… tie me… yours, Cas… Yours… - the last word is a whispered plea, and in the next moment Cas hisses out a 'fuuuuckkk', and Dean can hear him cum.  
At the sound Dean starts to fuck himself harder with his fingers, and he is coming so hard, that he might lose consciousness for a few seconds and actually collapses to the floor, he is shaking so violently.

Then Cas is helping him up to his feet, and leading him to their bedroom, where he cleans both of them with a wet towel. Then he lies down at Dean's side, who is still in a haze, looking at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.

- Fuck, Cas. – coughs Dean after a few minutes, while Cas is stroking his abdomen. – Where did THAT came from?  
There is no answer so Dean finally looks at his partner, and is shell-shocked by Cas's furious blushing. Dean's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

- Cas, is there something you care to share with the class?

- Erm, I might have made some research? – Cas offers quietly. When Dean just continues to look at him, he elaborates. – On the internet, about this kind of sex games. And I might have watched a few videos?

The disbelief in Dean's eyes turn into amusement, and he starts to laugh.

- Why'd you do that?

At this, Cas' blush disappears and he is full on glaring now.

- Because you are a stupid dick, Dean. And I never, ever want to hurt you again like that. So I made some steps to prevent that. I AM going to continue with researching this topic and I AM going to give you what you want, while IN control of the situation. I am serious, Dean… If you make me to do it again, I am going to be very disappointed in you. Hurting you hurts me more than you can imagine.  
The last sentence is a whispered plea, begging Dean to understand. And hell does he feel like a dick to having Cas done those things to him.

- Okay, Cas. I promise. But man, I have to tell you. Earlier, that was freaking hot. Do you have some more surprises in your pocket for me?

Cas blushes again, and then answers somehow reluctantly.

- I might have bought some toys… a cock-ring, a gag and two new dildos.

Dean looks at Cas, again disbelief in his eyes, then says:

- Marry me?


	4. And thus the game begins

**Ok, so here you'll learn a bit more about Cas, what he does, how he is. **  
**Not much, but I hope you'll enjoy it.**

**The next chapter will be Dean's POV again :))**

**As before, not betad.**

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Cas was freaking out. More than he was letting on, too, and he had a very good reason for it. Or reasons. Plural.

And it all thanks to one Dean Winchester, his – hopefully – lifelong partner, and maybe-fiancé. But Cas was not so sure about the latter. Getting a proposal AFTER admitting to your partner that you bought some new sex toys- not the most standard proposal Cas has ever heard of. But it still counts, right?

But that's not one of the reasons Cas is freaking out or is terrified. The reasons are more severe, starting with their last (VERY LAST, as promised by Dean) wine-accident. It had happened before, a handful of times, but every time they both were pretty smashed. So after some guilty cuddling, Cas shrugged it off.  
The last time though? Dean was sober. Cas can remember everything about that goddamn night, thank you very much. And Dean hadn't been drinking. Not more than one beer, and looking at Dean's history with alcohol will reveal that just one beer will do nothing more to Dean than green tea would to anyone else.

The last time got Cas thinking seriously about the issue with Dean and his desire for getting hurt. Or, as he had learned from the internet and later from Balthazar (though he'd NEVER admit that to Dean, because he values his life more than that) for being dominated.  
After laughing his ass off, Balthazar explained in painful detail, exactly why Dean needed it so much. Why exactly Dean NEVER topped before.

From the very beginning of their relationship it had seemed to be natural that Cas was on top, and Dean bottomed. But Cas nor Dean ever gave any thought to why all this time macho, intimidating, controlling Dean became a desperate slut for Cas' cock.

Balthazar – quite proud of his major in criminal behaviour and minor in sexual-psychology – was more than happy to explain it to a perplexed Cas. Of course, nothing is carved in stone while speaking of human nature, but the basics are the same nonetheless. Cas' eyes kept widening, as Balthazar explained to him, how the majority of the submissive participants in sex-dungeons and bondage-relationships happen to be leaders. Like CEOs, directors, politicians. Men and women in charge at their workplaces, with many responsibilities on their shoulders. He told of how they crave to let go all of it sometimes. How they need to be taken care of.

It clicked in Castiel's mind like pieces of some weird puzzle. Everything made more sense.

Dean. Infuriating, loud, pretty boy, macho Dean. Caring, helping, in-charge, responsible Dean. The Dean, who raised his brother Sammy. The Dean, who saves lives every day, and who has to lead his men (and women, because Pam and Jo can't be left out, and they are one of the reasons Cas loves to visit Dean at the station so much, because he'll never tire of watching those two making Dean sob) into danger and hope and pray that no serious harm will come to them.  
Dean's whole life is about taking care of others, which is one of the many qualities Cas' loves so much about him. It seems, however, that it is also one of the reasons Dean himself needs to be taken care of, and as Dean seems to be unable to let go of any of his responsibilities while working, and living his daily life, he needs to let go of everything while holding his partner during the night.

Cas is speechless. How could he miss it? After a moment of sheer self-loathing, Cas pulls his shit together and promises himself that he'll take care of Dean from now on.  
You see, Cas' life is not too stressful. His job, while interesting, in the eyes of many others, is ever so slightly boring. Or even sometimes just plain disgusting. If he gets a project he takes his backpack, puts on his hiking boots, bids good bye to the city, and goes to his destination is some forest or desert, where he takes photos of insects. Cas is no scientist, merely a very enthusiastic photographer of insects and bugs, and everything that has more than fouror more legs. Then he gets his ass back home, edits the photos and sends them to his contractor, who then sends it to the customer, which are magazines, mostly, sometimes universities.

So Cas can say that his job is quite relaxing. He is lacking a bit – ok, a lot – of self-confidence. He is awkward. He stares at people. Dean tells him, repeatedly, that he is lucky he's got his baby blues and nice looks. That's why nobody has given in to the urge to beat the shit out of him. Well, thanks Dean that helped. Not. A. Bit.

But Cas has confidence in his job. He knows that he's good at what he does, and he enjoys it. Most of the time he is calm and collected. Actually, the only person, who can metamorphose him – aha! Metamorphosis is one of his all time favorite novels – into a furious, shaking mess, is the one who he himself chose to live with.

With his new resolve, Cas throws himself into research-mode (nerd-mode, as Dean puts it, but he doubts, that nerds do THIS kind of research). The two days after the incident – and one day after talking to Balthazar, which Cas hopes Dean never will hear about – are filled with spending every moment of Dean's absence in front of his laptop, and searching the internet. Cas blushes so much that by the time he decides it's enough for now, he is afraid that his face will stay red for the rest of his life.

He's been watching videos, everything he could find. Porn. BD-porn mostly. How to tie somebody up without causing real injuries. He watched an EDUCATIONAL video about dominating roles and responsibilities. Seriously. Is there ANYTHING that is NOT on the internet? Creepy.

He learns how to use the word 'love' in a very-very different way of the usual. Actually, in many different contexts.  
Cas loves to make love to Dean. But he loves Dean more, so he WILL do this. Because hurt him like that again? Cas'll die before doing so.  
It doesn't matter, that this kind of things are way out of his comfort zone. Because Dean needs him, and he'll be damned if he won't be there for him.  
With a sigh, Cas closes the browser, after deleting the history. He knows that he pretty much knows nothing about sub/dom sex, but it's a start. He'll learn more with time. But what he learned should be sufficient for now. And after they discuss it together, Cas might carry on with it.

And honestly? He is freaked out, because his life's biggest performance is waiting for him, and he only has less than 14 hours left before the premiere. But he's also excited. Very much so.  
So, he still has about 2 hours to plan everything, before Dean gets home. Of course, he's still giving him the cold shoulder, but what Dean doesn't know is that it's not for long, but quite the contrary.

Tomorrow, in the morning, in less than 14 hours, Cas is going to blow that bastard's brain out, and without touching him (if the educational video is anything to go by).

As freaked out he is, Cas still can't contain his satisfied, lewd smile.

- You just wait, Dean Winchester. You wouldn't know what hit you.

16 hours later

Cas is still freaking out, but he might just need to change his facebook-status to engaged.  
But before that? He smirks up at Dean (ok, the blush he is wearing might kill a little bit of the effect of his smirk, but it's still in place) and pulls out the nightstand drawer.  
Dean looks confused for a second, then his eyes widen comically, as he comprehends the object in Cas's hands.  
Well, handcuffs are the most simple way of starting B/D.

* * *

**ok, I'm no psychologist, so my explanations might be a little sloppy (I just wrote down what I've read once about how this hole sub-dom thing works usually).**

**If you know more about the topic, please share it with me, and if I can, I might try and insert it into the chapter. Comments and constructive critics are welcome, but please take it into consideration, that I'm just a hobby-author, who loves to write about Destiel and that this is for fun, not for lecturing and teaching, however I tried to handle the topic with care.**

**Thanks for reading :))**


	5. Game Night

**Ok, that WASsoo NOT what I've been planning. Those guys will be the death of me. **  
**It's like, I don't have ANY control anymore about what will happen.**

**The plan was to write a chapter about what happened after Dean's 'proposal'. And yeah, the chapter IS about what happened after it, just not about what happened RIGHT after the proposal. Nope, those guys decided to make me tell about what's happening on a random night, a few months later.**

**And why are the chapters getting longer and longer? I swear, every time I start a new one, in my head there are maybe 600-1000 words... Yeah, I'm soooo in control!**

**So, here you go, the new chapter, I hope you'll enoy it!**

**Still unbetad, and as until now nobody sent me any corrections, I'm seriously starting to think, that nobody is reading it :))**

* * *

Dean is riding some highs and lows right now, and if he could muster up some coherent thought, it would be somewhere along the line: I HAVE to marry this guy, ASAP. Or, like 5 years ago. Then he would probably picture their honeymoon. Somewhere deep in a sex-dungeon. For a week or two. Maybe forever.

Because at this point Dean is pretty sure, that he won't need food or drink, or even PIE ever again, and screw Baby (sorry, Baby), and he could live on the pleasure Cas is giving him. He just never wants it to stop. Never wants to get up not even for food or drinks, because it would mean, that Cas stopped doing… well, Dean.

Right now, Dean can feel the sweet pain of being tied up for the better part of an hour, his legs forced to spread wide by Cas' silky ties, his wrists cuffed to the headboard of the bed, he is also very aware of his cock pressed between his stomach and the bed sheets. It hurts so deliciously. Cas applied the cock-ring before flipping him onto his stomach and then tied him thoroughly. So yeah, Dean can't move, and hasn't moved in like 52 minutes. Because Cas commanded it.

And oh, God that voice. Cas talked to him all the way. He told him every little thing, what he was about to do to Dean, and he's fucking sure that without the cock-ring, he would've already have a few orgasms. Without Cas fulfilling his promises.

But yeah, Cas knows him very well apparently. Because Cas told him, how he would make Dean his little slave in bed. And how Dean would FUCKING BETTER LEARN how NOT to cum without permission. How he would train Dean until he obeys every little order, without being ordered. And after Dean' trained well enough, Cas is going to find new methods, and Dean won't be able to obey, so Cas is going to punish him, over and over again, until Dean re-learns where his place is.  
Yeah, they are doing it for a few months now, and Cas is growing more and more confident with his actions and words. The guy seriously studies this whole dom-thing and it blows Dean mind. Because Cas doesn't stop by just using the internet. He bought freaking BOOKS about it, AND contacted an expert and has long-long sessions with the woman, watching and learning, asking questions.

Dean accompanied him once.  
He regretted it. Because the sight of Cas watching that woman's every move, listening to her every word, with a little frown on his forehead, the determined concentration in his eyes, asking some very-very HOT questions with such seriousness… Yeah. Dean had a quick run to the washroom, to calm himself down. He almost came into his pants.  
And of course, that bastard noticed it, and wouldn't stop smirking in the car on the whole way home.

- Very good. You've been a very good boy tonight Dean. – as always when Cas praises him, Dean melts a little, but Cas hasn't finished yet. – You have only two more minutes left. Do you want me to remove the ring? Or are you still the little sweeping bitch, who needs it?  
Dean shivers, but knows better than to interrupt him.

- Tell you what Dean. I'm going to remove the ring, turn that vibrator inside of you up to full speed, and add ten more minutes to your deadline. If you can stick it out without coming, I'll pull out the vibrator, turn you over, and will allow you to suck my cock. Because that is what you want, right Dean? You want to taste me desperately. More than you want to come. Am I right?

Dean whines out a desperate 'yes', but it's not enough.

- I can't hear you, slut!

Dean closes his eyes and tries to even out his breathing. The last hour? It was sweet-sweet torture. After Cas tied him down, he opened up Dean with practiced fingers, then shoved the dildo unceremoniously up his ass, turned it on, and left him with the order, that Dean's not allowed to move, speak or let out ANY noise, until asked a question, or ordered to do so. For an hour.  
And Dean obeyed. The vibrator massaged his prostate mercilessly, and Dean needed to bite down on his lips, to keep quiet. Sometimes Cas came back, to torment him a little bit more, sometimes with words, sometimes with touches. He even spanked Dean once. He turned off the vibrator a few times, and pulled it out once, and left the room again. And Dean couldn't decide which was worse (or better).

- Still can't hear you! I'm starting to think, you do not desire to orgasm, tonight Dean.

At the threat, Dean pulls his shit together for a second, and give a firm answer.  
- Yes, SIR!

- Yes to what? You don't wish to come?

- No, SIR!

- So yes, to you wish to have my cock inside your mouth more than you wish to come?

- Yes, SIR!

- Good boy.  
Dean can hear the smug grin in Cas' voice, and the next thing he knows, is that Cas is pulling his hips up to the air, and long, slender fingers pull off the ring very carefully. Then he's being pushed down again, and he can feel the vibrator turned to full speed.

Dean almost lets out a sob but controls himself just in time. He HAS to succeed. He has to show Cas, his perfect, beautiful Cas, his Master, that he is good enough. That he is obedient. He wants to earn the gentle strokes in his hair, on his face.

The last months, where Cas trained him can't go to waste.  
It's not like they did it every day, far from it. More like, Dean arrives home, Cas looks at him, analyzes Dean's facial expressions and eyes, and if he can see the tiniest bit of stress there, he orders Dean to take a shower, and lay down on the bed. Sometimes naked, sometimes dressed.

Dean still can remember that first time in the kitchen and right after it in the bedroom. The thought of it still makes Dean heart melt, and this nice warm feeling spreads in his chest.  
Cas was good of course, but his hands were a little unsure, while he applied the handcuffs on Dean's wrists, his voice wavered a few times while commanding around.  
Cas' gotten better. And not just better, but BETTER. Still, somewhere, deep inside Dean thinks, that that first time in the bedroom, that was the best. Right after Dean proposed. And he wanted to show to Cas, that he's being serious, so a few days later he took Cas out for dinner (ok, burgers), then they had sex in public (it was very dark, in a park) and on the way back to the Impala, Dean blurted out.  
- I meant it, you know?  
And Cas, the fucking mind-reader (or, Dean-reader) he is, looked at him with a simple smile and answered with a soft 'I know' then added 'And the answer is yes'.  
Dean never felt happier, and just wondered WHY exactly did he NOT asked this guy like after the first date (ok, creepy), to marry him?

Because frankly, he's been in love with Cas since Sam introduced them, and it's been over 7 years ago. And when Cas confessed, that he did some research, and bought some new toys, and all of it for Dean? Dean never felt not just happier, but also became aware of his own importance. He finally realized how much he mattered to Cas. For his usually shy and silent (but very tempestuous – thanks to Dean's infuriating personality) partner to go to this lengths, to do and learn this things just to make Dean happier and satisfied, to give Dean what he needed without actually hurting him… Honestly? It was the best god damn feeling in the whole world. Because hey… If Cas loves you and cares so much for you? Then you are the luckiest son of a bitch in the whole universe, and you learn to grow up to it, and hold it dear until you die.

So yeah. Dean IS very determined to hold it in until his eight more minutes are up, then suck Cas like he deserves it, then if Cas allows, he'll finally cum, hard. Probably will lose his consciousness again for a few seconds, only to wake up to Cas cleaning him up carefully.

When Cas suddenly lays down on Dean's back, he can't help, but jump a little in surprise, which earns him a slap to his already red ass-cheeks.

- You aren't allowed to move, my little slut. – Cas whispers darkly in his ears. – But you've been such a good whore for me tonight. I'll shorten your time with five minutes if you want. Do you want it?

Dean has to concentrate with everything he has on Cas' voice, on his words, because after one hour of pleasure running through your body can make a guy a little dizzy.  
And Cas plays with the dildo, pulling it out a little, and shoving it back, twisting it. And Dean can feel his orgasm building up in the pit of his stomach, can feel the whirlwind of his pleasure swallow him, and he can feel the tears roll down his cheeks, as he forces himself to answer with a firm 'Yes, SIR!'

Then Cas is gone from his back, the vibrator stills and Dean can feel the dildo slip out of his ass, slowly, and though Cas made sure a few times during the last hour, that the lube was enough, and even added some cream once to the mix in Dean's hole but it still hurts a little. But then again, it's a good hurt.

Than his ankles and wrists are freed, and Cas turns him around, pushing him down firmly, and kneels over his face.

- Open up, Dean! – Dean obeys then Cas slides into his mouth, and Dean starts to suck in earnest. He swirls his tongue around the head, he blows and sucks desperately, but then Cas is grabbing his face, stopping him effectively and growls out the magic words:  
- You've been such a good boy for me, Dean. You are allowed to cum once you finished swallowing. But you have to swallow EVERY drop, do you understand?

As his mouth is otherwise occupied, Dean just nods, and continues with even more enthusiasm than before.  
Surprisingly, in a very short time, Cas groans out a loud 'Deeeaaannn' and then he is coming down Dean's throat, who eagerly swallows all of it, then licks Cas spent cock clean. As soon as he's finished with his last task, Cas leans down, slides his body against Dean's, his hips thrusting into Dean's painful erection, and whispers in a broken voice:

- Now, Dean…

And that's all it takes, Dean is coming, long and hard and it almost hurts. His vision's blurring and he can see stars dancing everywhere, and then there's nothing, just darkness as he passes out like some freaking teenage fangirl at a Justin Bieber concert.


	6. In the Desert

**So back with the new chapter. Please bear with me, or it. Again it turned out differently from what I was planning but I'm not even surprised.**  
**Cas' thoughts and feelings mostly. And a little hotness at the end.**  
**As I said, it turned out differently as planned, but I think it's a very important chapter because this is the first REAL insight into their lives.**  
**There will be more from now on, hence the re-writing of the summary as the old one covered the planned one-shot but I have the feeling that this fic outgrew the first chapter.**

**I hope you'll still love it.**  
**Not betad and sorry for my mistakes.**

* * *

Cas loves his job. Seriously. He does. Every time, he finishes one, he couldn't wait for the next one, soon after he arrived back home. But every time, he got a new assignment, and had to leave, he found himself feeling reluctant.

He was itching every time, just after spending a few days in town, just wanting to go back to some forest, or to the desert again, find the species he needed to, but when it became real, he just felt this urge to cling to Dean, wrap himself around the guy like some octopus, or like one of those monsters from tentacle-porn (and yeah, thinking about Dean and any kind of porn in the same sentence never did any good – or bad, depending on how you look at it, or how near he was to Dean at the time – to him), and just never leave that stupid ass' side.

Which was ridiculous. It never took Cas longer, than a week and a half to finish a job (and it counted as a long-term assignment, because usually it took just a few days). So he had to admit, with a defeated sigh, that his idiotic clinginess meant that he was STILL stupidly in love with his finally-fiancé.

Castiel lookes at his finger – for like the billionth time that night – and he has to pinch himself again. Ouch. That hurts. So yeah. Still awake.  
Cas loves his ring. No, it's nothing special. Just a plain silver band around his finger. Still he starts to feel like friggin Gollum.  
It was one thing that Dean proposed. The guy was the most cock-orientated dude EVER, including Balthazar. And he was in some kind of an orgasm-high daze. However Cas still could deal with it when Dean assured him (in some kind of a burger-high-daze) that he meant it. So Cas said yes and never gave to much thought of it.

But what really surprised the shit out of him, and also had him kinda worried about Dean's sanity, that just the night before Cas left on this exact trip (a few months lafter he actually proposed), Dean surprised him. With this ring. Seriously, what the CRAP? Dean seemed to be normal. A little fidgety but not stressed, not high on anything. So again. What the CRAP?

Cas knos he has every right to be anxious about the damned thing on his finger – as much as he loves it, it didn't just made any of his worries disappear.  
Yes, people can change. But THAT much? If Cas had known earlier, that it'd take to buy those toys and dominate the guy's mind out to change his mind about marriage, Cas would have done it like 7 years earlier (VERY creepy).

Dean never tried to hide his opinions about marriage. He would tell every living soul who wanted to get married – including poor Sam, right after he proposed to Sarah, which ended in a catfight between the brothers – how unnecessary bullshit the whole thing was. Actually, Dean shared his opinions about marriage with Cas into five minutes their acquaintance.

So freaking out a little? Yeah it's maybe legitimate.

Ok, maybe Dean's opinions were also a little legitimate. He had to watch the marriage of his parents fall apart. And what Cas heard about it, it wasn't pretty. Dean liked to refer to it as a nuclear catastrophe.  
And Cas – before he started to date Dean – embraced the idea getting married once, but after things turning serious with Dean, he quickly forgot about it. It wasn't a big deal. Except, that it WAS a big deal, but Cas never complained. Just a friggin paper. And his dreams, but you know. Some dreams come true, some are shattered. The marriage thing? Cas put it inside the shattered-dreams-box of his head and was infinitely happy with what Dean was able to give him.  
Cas never questioned, whether Dean loved him or not. At the point they moved in together, it was pretty obvious. He knew Dean too much. He never needed to hear any I love you's from him – it would have been nice of course, but no need for it.  
Dean told him every day with his actions. With his commitment towards Cas. So yeah, Cas was ridiculously happy with his life, just the way how it was.  
Another reason for a freak out session. What if Dean realizes in a month, or god forbid, right in front of the priest on their wedding day, that he can't do it? That it's not what he wants?

Cas doesn't think he could cope with the pain it would cause. That he could go back to the way it was before. Right now? It's fine. Call it off, because although he loves his ring, and the idea, he still can't believe it. Not really.

On the other hand, he knows Dean. And if Dean makes up his mind to something, he carries through it till the end. So the question in Cas' mind is that did Dean seriously made up his mind? He guesses, only time will tell.  
And as much, as he's not the type to just go with the flow, right now he can't see any other way. Asking Dean? No way. Because if Dean's being serious about it, he'd just hurt him with his lack of faith in him. Although it's not really Dean he has no faith in. It's himself.  
He accepted a long time ago, that somebody who is so beautiful in body and soul can love him. Poor little awkward Castiel. But he never stopped question 'WHY'?  
Still Dean would interpret it in the wrong way. He has some talent for it.

Usually he doesn't think about his anxieties too much but the ring brought them up.  
And talking to Dean about it? No FRIGGIN way. Dean and talking about feelings? Yep it's more probable that it'll start to snow in the middle of the summer in the Mojave Desert. And as it is the middle of the summer and he's sitting in his small trailer which is located in the Mojave Desert right now… Yeah, not likely to happen. He came here to take some pictures about the infamous Gila Monster, and it had been a hell of a task, as those venomous bastards are shy like hell and won't show themselves jusst to anybody, but he managed to pull through the two things he set his mind up to.

First of all: take pictures about at least one of those bastards.  
Second: DON'T GET BITTEN by the hell spawn.

Actually, inversely listed is also fine with him.

And now he's finished and his mind is free from the task that kept him occupied in the last three days and in the morning he'll return to Dean. He awaits it and he dreads it. He can't even start to imagine what to expect. Dean still there, lazing around in the apartment, or nodding on the couch while claiming to watch the TV. Or moved out?

They talked the day before yesterday before Cas went to sleep and everything seemed to be ok, and Cas wouldn't dare to call Dean again, because if Anna – his boss btw – EVER found out for what purposes Cas is using the satellite phone, she'd end both of them. Cas is blushing at the memory in the darkness of his trailer, and then he can feel the blood leaving his brain due south while recollecting that short (ten minutes top) but intense call with his FIANCÉ…

He gives up after a few seconds and slides his hand in his sweatpants. Yep, Dean does that to him. In this case the memory of Dean panting, and obeying Cas' every order. On the phone. There was no need for Cas to be there in person for him to know that Dean is doing exactly what Cas is telling him on the freakishly expensive satellite phone.

Because there are VERY vivid memories behind his closed eyelids about Dean obeying and loving every second of it. And as much as Cas prefers lovemaking to dominating, he has to admit that the sight of Dean spread out in front of him, FOR him does things to his upstairs brain. And that is the only reason he leaves the room while tormenting Dean. He has usually no other choice. Ok maybe he does have another choice, but it would end in him throwing himself at the pretty much immobilized Dean, and fuck him senseless BEFORE pulling out the dildo, because at those times it seems to be too much trouble. So he vacates the room and also considers putting ice-cubes in his boxer briefs instead of just standing in the kitchen, with gritted teeth and desperately trying to imagine his brother Gabriel starring in porn. Which includes whipped cream.  
Yep, it always helps. Until he goes back to Dean.

If Dean thinks that those long hours of sweet torture are just torture for him, than he's the biggest most obliviously ignorant asshole in the universe.  
But Cas says nothing, and is glad for his ability to pull a blank poker face at any time.

But right now he just NEEDS his release. He pictures Dean, spread out on the bed, bent over the kitchen table, moaning in pleasure as Cas fucks him wide open… And there it is. Cas is coming in no time, and he is very grateful that he is pretty much alone in the desert, and the only ones to be able to hear his guttural moan as he ejaculates are probably bats and Elf Owls. Ok he might woken up a few other species in a ten mile radius, and made them flee but he has bigger 'concerns' right now.

Like the sated feeling spreading inside his body, the feeling of the last traces of any anxiety flowing out of his mind as he hugs his pillow tight to his chest and lets the memory of Dean's back tugged to his chest, sleepy and satisfied and happy lull him to sleep.

Tomorrow he's going to go home, he's going to EMBRACE Dean and take everything he can get and never let it go. He is not aware of the small smile playing in the corner of his lips while he falls asleep.


	7. Be our Guest

Ok, seriously? I HATE THIS GUYS.  
Do yo uknow what I planned for this chapter? PHONE sex. After dinner with Sam and Sara. But at the end it felt like if I added the phone sex now, it would cheapen the whole chapter.

So please tell me how do you like the story this far, and the turns in it, because I officially lost contorl about it. I could give you spoilers about the story and I still wouldn't kill it for you, because even I don't know where I'm heading with this. Only, that their love is epic.

like always: unbetad, sorry for the mistakes.

* * *

Okay so the dinner was awkward. Like super awkward. As Cas is out of town – again and Dean hated it, just as much as any other time – Sam invited Dean over to his and Sarah's home.  
The food was great, and they had fun. Until… Yeah, until Dean finished his second beer, and blurted out, like out of blue that he asked Cas to marry him. And that he meant it. He also added, that what makes him freaking out, that he's not freaked out. Not even a bit. That it feels like it's the best decision of his life and that he can't understand – looking back – why he didn't do it earlier.

He just couldn't seem to be able to shut his mouth. He blabbered on and on, for at least ten minutes. And that was when it hit him. Nor Sam neither Sarah said anything. No congrats, man, no we're happy for you Dean. Nothing.

Dean looked up from his beer, only to be met with two sets of frozen in disbelief eyes. Dean's eyebrows shot up to his hairline, but still nothing. Like, friggin Medusa had just turned up while he was speaking and changed those two into statue. He waited. And waited a little bit more, then snapped:

-WHAT?

That seemed to break the spell. Sam blinked. Sarah hiccupped. It was a strange hiccup, sounded like a hiccup ended in a screeching tires-kinda sound. Sam blinked again. But then his expression started to change from disbelief – if you can call a look that suggests that you've grown a penis on your face – to something warmer. With some devilish sparkle in toe.

- Okay guys, seriously. WHAT?  
- Dean… you just told us, that you PROPOSED! Fucking proposed! After two decades of dragging about the sheer purposelessness of marriage. After telling EVERY damned soul who got within ten foot radius with you, how absurd and idiotic marriage was. After I proposed to Sarah, I had to listen to your bullshit for almost a year! Do you realize…

At this point Sam's voice started to became distant. Huge 'Chick-Flick' neon-signs started flashing in Sam's eyes. So Dean's mind just started to wander. As always. It was just his defense mechanism. Wasn't even a conscious decision. It just happened. All the time. So Dean's mind wandered through time and landed a few years back, to examine a short memory. It was also kinda chick-flicky but hey it contained Cas so Dean just didn't seem to care.

That made Dean realize, that his general rules applied to every aspect of his life, just somehow became invalid regarding Cas.

Huh. Interesting.

-DEAN! Are you even listening?

- Huh? – Dean came back to reality. He found Sam and Sarah sitting there, the giant princess of his younger brother bemused, Sarah practically snickering with amusement. – Did you say something, Sammy?

-Don't call me that. And yes. I TOLD YOU, that I'm happy for you. And asked you, if you're sure about this.

-What the hell are…

- Dean! I'll be the last, who'll talk you out of this, believe me. And I want you and Cas to be happy. But I have to ask, ARE YOU SURE this is what you want?

- Damn it Sammy… YES, I'm sure.

- Great. Because if you have the slightest doubt, call it off. NOW.

- Sam, again. WHAT the fucking HELL…

- Dean, listen to me, very-very carefully. Because it's VERY important. And if I catch you zoning out again, I'm gonna slap you. Like, bitch-slap you. – as Dean started to complain, Sam shut him up with a raise in his voice.  
- Because it's not just about you, is that clear? You are my brother, you raised me, and I love you. But Cas is my friend. He is like a brother to me. And you NEED to consider his feelings. So if you are not like carved-in-Moses'-Ten-Commandments-into-stone-sure about it, CALL IT OFF. Because if you do it now Cas will forget about it pretty fast. He's probably expecting it. But if you'll gonna call it off dunno like right before the wedding, you'll lose him. For good. And he'll be heartbroken probably for the rest of his life, and you'll be the same.

At that point, Dean couldn't do anything, than sit there and take it. Because Sam was fucking right. So Dean sat there and listened like never ever before.

After Sam was finished with his little speech, Dean felt like a lost child in a Grimm-tale. He looked at Sarah, and all he could find there was love and sympathy. Then he looked at Sam, who looked like a kicked puppy. Like he was tormenting himself with the fact, that he HAD to tell Dean this that he had to be the one makes clear, what kind of a mess Dean managed to put all of them into.

So, Dean looked away, and wanted to think with everything he had. Did he really want this? Oh my God, what if he really breaks Cas' heart? His own heartbreak didn't even seem to be important. Because if Dean broke Cas' heart? Dean is pretty sure he wouldn't be able to live with himself after…

And that's when it hit him. Cas is important. Too important. More than life. More than Dean. And Dean just knew at that moment, that he'll NEVER be able to break Cas' heart, not with something like this. Because no matter how freaked out Dean is (or was in the last 5 years since they started dating), his first thought was and IS Cas.

So Dean looks at Sam, with some new found and never felt determination, to answer him, but apparently there's no need to open his mouth, because Cas is not the only friggin mind reader and psychic in the family, but Sam's also one, so before Dean could even start with his sentence to convince his giant mermaid of a younger brother, Sam is already hugging him, and clinging into him, and repeating like a broken record, how happy he is for Dean.

Then, Sarah – deciding that it's not big enough - climbs the pile of brothers and hugs Dean stupid. And after it, it's like just joking and merciless teasing from Mr. and Mrs. Pinkpants, then the dinner is over and Dean's on his way home, smiling and knowing that Cas will be home from Mojave tomorrow, and they can continue where they left off two nights ago on the phone.

And Dean's already planning what will happen after the mind-blowing welcome home Cas party reserved for two. He'll cuddle Cas, because yeah, Dean friggin loves cuddling Cas, then Dean will tell Cas about tonight's dinner with Sam, and if Sam's just a slightest bit right about Cas' uncertainty then it's Dean's fucking job to convince him. And yeah. Dean's kinda proud of himself. He's still the same Mr. Denial-never-going-to-grow-up-cocky idiot who he was, and ever will be, but he's still changed. Because he pretty much can grow up to Cas and his love for Dean. If it takes his whole life to prove it to Cas, then so be it. He'll do it.

* * *

AN: Seriously guys! Please share with me, what do you think about this chapter, and the turning of events. It became more serious than I ever expected. The only thing I'm sure about, that it'll be more. They're not finished with me.  
Thanks for reading! :)


	8. Dude, you are so whipped!

I hope you'll enjoy it, I loved writing this because Sam was very obedient. Ok, not 100% obedient because he had his own ideas how it happened and then I had to obey but mostly he just gave me this exasperated look and nodded along. And also loved writing this because I love to see them in a 3rd person's POV.

A chapter from Sam's POV, who still wonders sometimes how this became his life, but is happy nontheless.

unbetad, all mistakes are my own.

* * *

It was during his freshman year at college that he met Cas for the first time. If he'd known at that moment what an impact the blue eyed very nearly genius guy will have on their life, he wouldn't have waited for so long before introducing him to his brother.

But yeah. According to Sarah – and Dean – he harbored a little man-crush on the guy. Sarah was his high-school sweetheart, his prom-date, and she never stopped making jokes about Sam's fangirl-behavior if it came to Cas. So what if Sam thought that it was a pity that Cas never went for a Master, and after getting his BA he left college to work as a freelance photographer for science magazines and research labs. His obsession with insects, reptiles and everything that had more than four or less than two legs was endearing and disgusting at the same time. You see, Cas was and is a damn good photographer. He could become some fancy, famous photographer if he'd wanted. With art-shows, exhibitions the whole package. But no. He couldn't care less about fame or money. He was happily digging in the dirt everywhere his job sent him, and taking photos about what he'd found there. With a fucking encyclopedia installed in his brain.

So what if Sam thought that Cas was one of the most intelligent guys on this planet ever and for the first few months he went on and on babbling stories about the guy, making Sarah laugh, and Dean roll his eyes and the both of them teasing Sam mercilessly.

Looking back, Sam can't stop the smugness boiling inside him. Yeah, he might have had a man-crush on the guy. But Dean? Dean fell faster for the guy Sam ever thought it would be possible for Dean to fell for someone. Anyone. Not that Dean admitted it easily. He was fighting his own feelings for a year. Sam was baffled. Because everybody could see it. Except Cas, because that idiot of a genius was too wrapped up in his own feelings for Dean to see it.

It happened during Sam's sophomore year, with Cas getting his BA that Dean and Cas met. Sam invited Cas to his birthday-party which also served as kind of a farewell-party as a week later Cas left for a longer assignment overseas. Since Dean and Cas moved in together Cas never got an overseas assignment that took him more than a week to get back again. Sam doubted the 'never got' part, and suspected that Cas plainly refused to leave Dean behind for so long. Dean just shrugged it off and seemed to be very happy so Sam shut his mouth.

The birthday party was a success AND a disaster rolled into one big mess.  
Cas arrived. Sam and the other guests were already drunk out of their minds. So Sam gathered Cas – who by no means was small, but yeah, EVERYBODY is small compared to Sam – in a big bear-hug and dragged him over to Dean. Sarah already knew Cas, but the gang had yet to meet him. Sam could feel the uncomfortable waves coming from Cas, as he fidgeted under the looks of a bunch of drunken idiots. And he went literally rigid, when he sat down, and Pam unceremoniously crept into his lap and started to whisper in his ears. Cas bolted so abruptly that Pam almost fell to the floor, and he knocked into Dean causing him to drop the drinks he was carrying back to their table. But never mind the drinks. Eyes met, mouths fell, worlds shifted. Epic. After a second, the whole table fell silent. They were watching Cas and Dean's very memorable first meeting with their jaws dropped somewhere under the table.

Because seriously? Someone causes Dean to drop DRINKS, and Dean is not shouting and beating him up? Instead Dean is staring and blushing, mouth agape. And Cas? Yeah Cas is worse. He wants to say something – possibly that he is sorry – but no words are coming out of his mouth. It went on for a while like this, nobody brave enough to disturb the moment – except Ellen, who cleared her throat behind Dean, shoved him out of the way and started to clean up the mess cursing those idiots under her breath. That shook the gang too and Jo jumped to help her mother as did Sam which caused more trouble, so Ellen just told them to sit on their sorry asses and called Ash to help her.

So Cas sat down with them, and started to drink. Like honestly drink. Sam saw him occasionally drink a beer or two but tequila-drinking Cas? More than funny. But also reckless.  
You see, it happened like this. At one moment, everybody was laughing and joking around. In the next? Dean and Cas were gone. Disappeared. Nowhere in sight. They searched the bar. The restrooms. The parking lot. Where they found out, that the Impala went missing to.

After that, the night was pretty much ruined. Sam couldn't shake off the feeling, that it was his fault. He should have told Dean that Cas is out of hunting season. At least for Dean. He should have warned Cas, that his idiot of a brother shoots everything while it flies, AND that he has some commitment issues. And he NEVER should have introduced those two each other.  
Because at that point, Sam genuinely liked Cas. He considered him as his best friend. And he loved Dean, but also knew how Dean acted. Fuck 'em and leave 'em. And if Dean breaks Cas' heart, as much as Sam loves his brother, he'd take Cas' side. And kill Dean himself. It might have had to something with the fact that Sam took him granted in his life. As much as Sam was granted in Dean's. They were pretty co-dependent and brotherly in love with each other. So Sam knew that he never would lose Dean. Cas on the other hand? Sam didn't want to lose Cas, just because his brother couldn't keep it in his pants. Dean should have known that Cas is out of game for him.

Sam knew it was pretty predictable, what's going to happen. They'll have sex. They'll wake up in the morning, Dean will give Cas some cold shoulder or some lame excuses and Cas will be out of their lives for good. And Sam will KILL Dean because Cas is one of the best persons Sam ever met. So yeah, the birthday is pretty much ruined for Sam but he refuses to leave, he'd rather NOT witness the acrobatics Dean and Cas are performing right now. And also, thanks to that thought, he needs to bleach his brain. Or you know, just sign up for lobotomy.

So he dragged his ass home around noon next day, only to be met with the biggest shock of his life. Dean and Cas sitting at the kitchen table, having fun. FUCKING FUN! After Sam spent the rest of the night and the morning worrying about those idiots. And they dared looking at Sam like everything was just perfectly normal. So Sam lost it, and started shouting.  
He yelled at them, accused Dean with pretty nasty things, cursed Cas for being an idiot, than slumped down onto the couch and asked shakily:

- So what now? You two dating or what?

This finally got him some reaction. Because they just took Sam's fit without saying anything. Like they just saw it coming. Sam might be a psychic Dean's concerned, but Sam is also pretty much predictable for Dean, so yeah. They might saw that coming.

They sat down with him, and explained everything. Yes, they pretty much had sex. Mind blowing if the looks they were giving each other are anything to go by. Sam again felt the need for that lobotomy.

And in the morning they woke up, and realized what they've done. So they sat down, pretty awkwardly, and tried to figure out what to do. Cas is not the one for one night stands, and Dean is not the one who does relationships. But, they both had Sam.  
While Cas explained that part, Sam didn't miss the look in Dean's eyes. Fondness. Even regret? Sam had to wonder for a second, that maybe Dean WANTS a relationship this time, he just can't admit it? But Cas went on and Sam had to fight the tears threatening to escape. Because those two made truce because of him. Fuck.

The awkwardness flew out of the window, as they started to talk, and having fun. And then, they sat down with Sam, like responsible parents with a spoilt child, and explained, that yeah, they'll part ways but will remain friends and Sam will be able to see both of them.  
Soon after 'the talk' Cas left and Sam couldn't help but stare at his idiot of a brother in awe because Dean looked like somebody just took his favorite toy away and broke it.

Without giving it too much thought, Sam told his brother, who seemed to be lost in his own world the first thing that came to his mind:  
- Dude, you are SO whipped!

Dean looked up, gave him the famous 'I'm your big brother and going to kick your ass, bitch' frown and flipped him off.

After that, it's been like this for TWO FRIGGING years. It took Dean two fucking years to gather his courage and tell Cas how he feels about him.  
Which, at that point only surprised that idiot genius in question. Because seriously? After watching those two morons dance around each other, or watching Dean go nearly crazy-stalker after Cas jumped into a relationship which lasted for almost a year – it wasn't a surprise for ANYBODY besides Cas. Because he didn't saw that coming. Yep, the guy might be a genius, but he is one of the most obliviously moronic genius ever.

But yeah. Cas threw his 2 year contract with National Geographic to the trashcan – the same contract he was pining after for 6 months and which would have sent him to Brazil for two years – and started dating Dean. Because obviously Dean wasn't the only one whipped in this relationship. And it never occurred to anybody that Cas regretted turning down the biggest chance of his life. Just one look at the guy's face, and nobody ever questioned that Cas thinks, it was the best decision of his life.

And yeah. Over the two years, Sam gave Dean his infamous 'you are so whipped' speech many times, but Dean just shrugged him off, or told Sam to shove it. After they moved in together, almost 2 years into the relationship, Sam started a new line, but he never actually MEANT it, he just wanted to tease his brother.

- You are SOOO going to marry him.

So yeah. If he feels a little smug right now – though very surprised, happy but surprised – he has earned it.

Thanks for reading. It felt somehow accurate to write about their meeting after the last chapter.  
The next one will be probably from Cas' POV again. But about what? I have no idea, but the guy is very much pounding inside my head and wants to come out with something, so I guess he f*cked Dean's brains out so he's alseep and Cas and I can have a nice conversation without everyones favorit firefighter disturbing us.

Yeah, I know I'm nuts, talking about the characters as they were real, but believe me, they are XD  
If you EVER written ANYTHING, you'll know that I'm right :)

Opinions about this? Or more Sam POV? Ideas for 3rd person POV? Who it could / should be?


	9. Homecoming

Hmmm seriously, I dunno what to think about those two. Really? They won't let me write some hard-core sex. They went all lovey-dovey on me...

Please guys tell me what do you think. I mean I love fluff very much so, and I ship crazily-in-love Destiel, but really? Can't those two be in love AND having some dom/sub sex again? nah, maybe later :)

I have the feeling, that they resolved the present issues for now, so I might be able to start and write about their past a little bit, because I think it was epic, how they met and as 'Sam' put it in the last chapter, danced around each other.

* * *

If Cas was looking at Dean like his fiancé (!) had grown some nasty worm as a second nose, nobody could blame him.  
Normally, the occasion that caused Cas looking like his world was going to end at every second, wouldn't cause such a reaction. Usually it'd call for happy tears and melting hearts. But who said anything about normal about their relationship?

What had happened was this.  
Cas arrived after spending a few days in the Mojave, took a quick shower and started to unpack his things when Dean came back from the grocery store. Upon entering the apartment Dean started to imitate a chameleon, changing colors in every few seconds. He went from normal, tanned to blushing virgin, then suddenly his face lost all of its color and became paper-white, only to change again to some kind of a sick green. He forced out a weak 'welcome back' and went backtohis task. Huh. No kiss. No hugs. So Cas started to watch Dean with hawk-like eyes.

With a knot in his stomach, Cas sat down at the kitchen table and watched Dean's little chameleon-show while putting the food in the fridge. Cas found this phenomenon interesting for a while with some worried awe, but then Dean looked up, his eyes found Cas' and the whole thing started again. When Dean's face became red once more, Cas gave up.

- Are you feeling well, Dean?

The reaction he got was hilarious and worrisome at the same time. Dean almost jumped out of his skin, his blush became some interesting deep red color, and then went white again. Cas' eyebrow shot up to his hairline.

- Dean… - Cas tried once again, in a hushed tone. He had this weird vision about Dean being some frightened lizard, and he didn't want to spook the poor bastard even more. – Is everything alright?

- Yeah. Why wouldn't be? – came the false-cheeky reply.

- You tell me, Dean. I'm not the one who presented the whole scale of the a rainbow in a matter of seconds.

- What are you talking about?

- Dean, I might be wrong, but right now your face looks like some rain forest in Brazil, and your expression reminds me of some guy with very serious metabolism-issues, trying to get rid of a very nasty problem. If it's your attempt for a smile, then go to the bathroom and rehearse some more. Not very believable yet. So, spill it out. What's wrong?

Dean was just standing there, opening and closing his mouth, which now reminded Castiel of a fish on the shore. Seriously, he needed to take a break from his job, because he started to compare every human facial expression to those of the animals.  
But after a minute, Dean looked like he pulled his shit together. He closed the fridge door, and approached Cas with some never seen determination on his face, which honestly? Made Cas freak out a bit. He thought for a second, that Dean is going to call off the engagement, and as much as he prepared himself for the possibility, made his heart ache. More than he imagined.

But then Dean came to a stop in front of Cas, looked him in the eye, his expression changed from sick to tender and then he simply said:

- I love you, Cas.

So yeah. Hearing that for the first time, would make EVERY normal human being happy. But then again. They were as far from normal, as possible. In just matter of seconds many possibilities run trough Cas' mind. And every one of them was pretty scary, and more hurtful than he ever thought it could be.

He looks at Dean with horror, disbelief and naked fear. He is waiting for the next sentence as it could be his death-sentence. Probably it would be. Cas realizes right there and then, that as much as he thought about it, nothing could ever prepare him to the pain it would cause him to lose Dean. He doubts, he could survive. And he realizes, that all of his uncertainty his lack of confidence in himself were stronger than he ever admitted even to himself.

- Are… are you breaking up with me? – the sheer despair in his voice, how he chokes on his own words, surprises him, but at that point he couldn't care less. If he has to, he'd beg shamelessly. The frozen-in-disbelief expression upon hearing Cas' words on Dean's face is completely overlooked as he is totally preoccupied with his own fears and desperately running thoughts.

- You… you… please don't leave me… We don't have… don't need to marry… Just… Please… I couldn't…

Warm lips on his interrupts his crazy rambling. Cas goes rigid for a second, then throws himself on Dean and kisses him back with everything he has.  
After kissing feverishly for a long time, Dean is pulling away slowly, inspecting Cas' face with care and love shining in his beautiful eyes, which are Cas' whole world in that moment.

- Cas, nobody is breaking up with nobody. And I don't intend to call off the engagement. I pretty much want to marry you.

- But… but I thought…

- Yeah. I know. And believe it or not, I really am sorry, Cas. I should've told you something a long time ago. I know I'm shit, Cas. I'm bad news. And stupid. But I love you, and I'm lucky to have you. And not just because you're sexy and smart, but also because you are here with me. Despite of my issues, being so fucked up that I almost missed you out, that I almost broke your heart, you're here with me. You call me out on my bullshit, and you are not afraid to kick my ass the times I'm being an ass. And I'm sorry that it took me that long to tell you, how much I love you. And I'm sorry that because of my past behavior, your first thought after hearing me saying the L-word was to freak out. It's my fault and…

- Shut up, Dean!

Cas knows, he had to interrupt. Like, right now. He couldn't take it anymore. Not tonight. It was too overwhelming. Dean confessing his love in words to him, then listening to THE Dean, who thought that talking about feelings will cause you to grow a vagina, rambling on about FEELINGS… Cas suddenly felt tired.  
Dean instantly fell silent with a little worried frown on his forehead. Cas couldn't help the small, tired but happy laugh that escaped his mouth.

- You are an idiot Dean Winchester. But I love you. And you couldn't be more wrong. It wasn't you who caused those feelings inside me, it was all on me. I tend to over think things, and my insecurities are on me. Not on you. I know, you love me Dean. I've known for a long time. I just couldn't trust myself enough to take your love granted – probably never will – and I couldn't believe in myself enough to hope that I can keep your love. So I guess it makes us both idiots, hum?

At that Dean nods and smiles at him.

- Yeah, I guess. – but then, he's dead serious again.  
- But Cas, I want to tell you this. I know, you spent the last five years waiting for me. Waiting for me to get ready for the next step, you put all your dreams and needs aside and never demanded or asked anything. I want you to be more demanding in the future. I want you to tell me what you want, not just wait for me to catch up. I'm ready for us, Cas. Been for a while just didn't know how to tell you.

Cas smiles at him and scan see the perfect opportunity to mess with Dean a little – yeah, it WAS overwhelming to talk so much about feelings with Dean, so suddenly, after five years – and goes for it.

- Dean, I want to adopt at least five kids.

Dean lookes at him with so much horror in his eyes that Cas just can't keep up with the poker face anymore, and bursts out laughing. Long, happy and so-so beautifully free – he never felt this light and careless before. Dean glares at him for a few seconds, but then he's laughing along then slaps his ass.

- Sorry Dean. I just couldn't anymore. Not tonight. I spent the last few nights alone in the desert, phone-sexing you then imagining you spread out in front of me, all tied up and fucked out… so I would like to skip the heart-warming confessions, and just go for the sex-part, if you don't mind.

Judging Dean's expression he doesn't. His pupils are swallowing the green of his irises, and his breathing is labored. Yeah, Cas could work with that.

- I'm going to take a shower. The time I'm finished, I want to see you prepared. On your stomach, Dean, lubed up, the beads up and deep in your ass, and handcuffed to the headboard. Am I clear? – Cas' voice lost all the tenderness, at the time he finishes his monolgue, it's deep with authority and commanding. Demanding. Dean lets out a little whine, which sounds somthing like a very weak 'yes, sir' but Cas is satisfied.

Cas wanted to take his time in the shower, but found himself too turned on to be able to do so. He finishes rinsing his hair in a record time, and doesn't bother with toweling himself properly, and runs out of the bathroom, only to find Dean in the commanded position, moaning silently into the pillow under his face.  
Cas has to stop, and grab the base of his cock, squeezing hard to prevent himself from coming on the spot. After he manages to calm himself down a little, he approaches the bed, and sits down. He starts to stroke the tanned, beautiful skin on Dean's back, down to his firm, nicely shaped ass.  
Dean is shaking with anticipation, his well toned muscles trembling under Cas' slow caresses.  
And then something turned a little bit sour in Cas' mouth. Something just didn't felt right.  
He lookes at Dean, and he can feel a strong urge to be able to see his eyes, the parted lips, how his face explodes in rapture while coming. With a new resolve, Cas grabs the keys and openes the handcuffs. Dean looks up at him with some confusion but keeps quiet.

- Turn around Dean. Please.

Dean obeys, shifting, until he is flat on his back, legs spread slightly breathing hard. Cas can see the end of the rope that held the breads between his ass cheeks and his erection twitching against his belly.

- Dean, I need you to watch me tonight. I need you to embrace me while I'm inside of you and I need you to look at me while I make love to you.  
Cas' voice is soft and almost begging. He knows that he fell out of his dominant role, he knows he is disappointing Dean, but he just needs it. They can play later but right now Cas is too tired emotionally to pull it through.

- Of course, Cas. – Dean says simply, putting his stupidly big and warm palm against Cas' face, gently stroking it with his thumb.

It's like a big weight had been lifted off his chest. Cas is grinning at Dean, who returns it. Cas can't help it, he HAS to kiss that stupid monkey's mouth. Then he is grabbing one of Dean's legs, to spread them a little wider, then slides his hands between those so-so edible cheeks and reaches for the rope.  
Dean lets out a keening noise as soon Cas starts to pull out then shove the beads back in his ass, twisting them ever so slightly. But he is stll kissing Dean, and doesn't stop while he's playing with the toy inserted in his ass. Dean's hands are sneaking around Cas, pulling him closer and closer until their bodies are pressing tight against each other.

And Cas welcomes the feeling that overtook him, he's sinking deeper and deeper until he foinds himself almost drown in Dean's love and caresses. He stares into those beautiful eyes, shining up at him with so much desire with awe. Yes, Dean is his. Dean is his Forever. He realizes this in the moment, as he slides deep inside Dean's hot, tight hole. They groaned in union, both of them missing this for days, and they start to move together in perfect harmony like they are dancing to a music only they could hear.

Cas starts to fuck Dean in earnest after a few slow thrust and enjoys the sight of Dean underneath him, losing himself and falling apart. Cas could feel, that he'll be over in a very humiliatingly short time, so he grabbed Dean's cock and started pumping it hard and fast, in rhythm with his thrusts. He could see it, feel it every time, he hit Dean's prostate, he could hear his almost high pitched screams and desperate moans. Cas suddenly lets go of Dean's cock, earning a disappointed whine, but Cas didn't pay any attention. He fucks Dean hard and fast, and soon he is coming inside that hole he could never get tired of. His orgasm is almost ripped out of him, and for a second everything went white with rapture and satisfaction, but then he forced himself to come down in just a matter of seconds. He pulled carefully out of Dean and before the poor guy could start to protest or could register what is happening, Cas' mouth closed on his dick and Dean lost it as soon as Cas applied more pleasure to sucking and blowing, swirling his tongue around the head.  
Cas noted with some smugness, that he wasn't the only one who missed this, who thought that the last few days were long and lonely, despite the phone-sex they had. Dean is coming down in Cas' throat in the matter of seconds, and Cas swallowes everything, licking the softening cock clean.

Cas only could muster up the strength to lie down next to Dean, who turns and wraps himself around Cas like some friggin koala in a well pratcided movement, and soon after he felt sleep taking over his mind. He heard just right before he fell asleep Dean murmuring incoherently, but his dazed mind registered the words nonetheless.

- …L'uv ya C'ss…

* * *

soooo what do you think?  
huhh, longest chapter til now :)


	10. A Reasonable Good Bye

Hi again!

Ok, it's messy and might be a little controversial but it's about Dean's mind running wild, and a mind running wild is not exactly logical, right?

I hope you'll enjoy it, I kinda like this chapter, at least more than the last one :))

not betad YET, but I already have a beta, who already corrected the first chapter so please be patient she'll do a great job! thank you again for your work deansamcas!

this chapter is for you! :)))

* * *

So Cas is leaving. Big deal. Except it's not. At least not for Dean. Yeah he might gotten used to that little bastard in the last two years, but Dean is not in love with Cas, thank you very much. Nope. Not at all.

And the reason Dean is driving to Cas's place right now? It has nothing to do with fear or any kind of desperate emotion-bullshit. The guy's just leaving, and Dean wants to say good bye. Wants to wish him good luck, and all that. Okay Cas might not be leaving in the next two months or so but you know. One can't be careful enough, so better do it now.

And if he's speeding a little? Then it's just because it's pretty late and he wants to get to Cas's place before the guys bedtime. Which is probably not for another two or three hours, considering that Cas is like an owl, and it's not even midnight right now, which means pretty early in Casese. Yepp it's a language. With dictionary. And grammar. Dean's been learning it for the last two years. And Sam might know Cas longer then Dean, but Dean likes to think, that he can understand it better. He is fucking fluent in it.

So Dean ignores the red light and the next one right after it. He has no idea what he is going to say to Cas, besides asking him about this job in Brazil, hug him farewell and go back home. Or visit a bar between, find some hot chick or guy and forget about Cas, just like Cas is going to forget about Dean in FUCKING Brazil. He is going to find some nice, hot Brazilian guy with bronze skin and all deep-brown eyes and marry him (at least it won't be that dickhead Balthazar – seriously Cas could do so much better than that, and Dean's happy that it's finally OVER, and NOT because he has feelings for Cas), adopt some puppy-eyed Brazilian kid or two, send a post-card to Sam once a year, or photos, and not even ask about Dean. Because Dean doesn't matter. And Dean is fine with it.

But if Cas thinks, that Dean's going to give a shit he is so very wrong. Dean will be the bigger man.

So what if Sam's words stung a little?

"So, Cas is leaving. In August. He got that job in Brazil, and he is moving there. He got a two years contract, but it might… Dean? Where are you going? Dean?"

Sam of course wasn't finished, but Dean was. He stood up so quickly that his chair actually went flying through the kitchen, grabbed his jacket and keys and started driving. To Cas's place. To say adios. In June.

And then Sam can finally shut up about Dean being whipped, and Dean can wipe that fucking all-knowing smile off his stupid T-Rex of a little brother's face.

Yeah, Dean figured it out. He can picture it already. Cas will open the door, invite Dean in, with some stupidly adorable confusion on his stupid-stupid handsome face, but yeah, he'll friggin INVITE Dean in despite of the late hour, because Cas never just lets somebody in, he INVITES them in, with his damn stupid half-smile, while saying some shit like 'please, enter' or 'please, come in' and Dean will fucking ENTER his studio and sit down, ask Cas about Brazil, who'll answer while offering a beer because he's just this perfect host, always considerate and inviting. Then they'll talk and laugh, and after an hour or two Cas'll start yawning secretly because he doesn't want to be rude and tell Dean that he has to leave, but Dean will see it nonetheless and get up, hug the stupid bastard, and then leave.

And nope, those are definitely not tears in the corner of his eyes. Or maybe they are, but it's just the from the wind blowing through the open window.  
Dean wipes them off with one angry move of his hand, then grabs the steering wheel again with so much force, that it hurts.  
So Cas is leaving. Everybody is leaving Dean behind, no biggie, right? Why should Cas stay? He got the job of his dreams. For God's sake the guy is going on and on about this job for eight months now. He can't shut up about it, and Dean's had enough. Balthazar had enough, or so he said, and broke up with Cas, who got so drunk after the breakup, that Dean had to literally take him home, in a piggy-style ride, while Cas was whining about his own incapability for keeping the ones he holds dear with him. Dean hated it. As much as he hated the fact Cas being with that pretentious asshole of a British psych-student, he hated to see Cas like this. Broken. And drunk out of his ass, and rambling on about his own failures in life and love how he was being incapable of loving ANYBODY enough to keep them around or how if he did, it just happened to be one sided. So yeah, one more reason, Dean couldn't stand Balthazar. Okay, Cas might not be in this lovey-dovey losing mind-in-a-pink-haze kind of love with Balthazar, but Dean knew, he cared about the bastard. Loved him even.

And the next day Dean might have punched the "assbutt" – by Cas – in the face, and told him what an idiot he was for letting Cas go, and the only thing that amoeba-hearted – yeah, Dean KNOWS, that those things don't have a heart, so he thinks, the simile IS accurate – Brit could do was giving Dean a shrug, and gave Dean a hart glare, while saying something about how sorry he was for Dean.  
Dean couldn't even come up with a witty retort, before the guy just got up and left.

It happened six months ago, and Dean still can't shake off the feeling, that Balthazar wanted to say something significant with that 'I feel very sorry for you, Dean…', but shrugs it off- again.

So Dean is going to let Cas go, but in the meantime he'll also assure him, that he'll always have Dean. And it's ok for Cas to forget about Dean, as soon he doesn't need Dean anymore. And after that, Dean also can forget about Cas.

If he can. Right now, nearing to his destination, Dean's not so sure about it anymore. Yeah, he came here with a plan. Hug Cas good bye, go to a bar, fuck some hot piece of ass then forget about Cas. Or maybe forget about him later, but the point is, to forget about him eventually.

Dean is looking at Cas's window, which is a tell tale about Cas still being awake, as all the lights are on in his studio. And he is not so sure anymore, but he is determined to go through with it. So he gets out of the impala, takes two step at the time, and soon he's panting in front of Cas's door. There is no need for knocking, as the door is flying open, revealing a panda-eyed Cas in sweatpants and bare-chested.

Every plan Dean made up in his mind packs up and leaves that hopeless mess Dean calls his brain. On better days.  
So Dean finds himself staring at Cas, who in return stares back, and Dean is never going to figure out how it happened, but like some fucking Hallmark heroine, Dean finds himself crushing Cas' mouth with a velocity, that the movement between him standing outside and stepping in Cas's studio isn't even registered in his mind. And he is pretty sure it's not him whispering those embarrassing words into Cas's mouth along the line of 'don't leave' and 'stay' and 'please'.

But it must be him, because Cas is just nodding, then presses himself so close to Dean that Dean gets the feeling that the guy is actually trying to crawl under his skin, but it's okay with him, because like this he can keep Cas around for good.  
Nice entreé Winchester. Very nice. And he can't wrap his mind around what and why it took him so long to get here. The way Cas is kissing him? The sensation of his skin under Dean's palms? Priceless.  
And the last two years seem to be such a waste right now, that Dean's looking back from a place, he knows he belongs to.

The next morning while preparing breakfast, Dean finds the Brazil contract in the trash can, and looks up at Cas with awe, who shrugs and smiles happily.  
And with that, Dean is finished with his freak-out session. He bids a short good bye to a little part of his manliness called bachelor, strides up to Cas's side, and kisses him for dear life.

Yepp, he still has enough manliness for more than one lifetime, he decides.

* * *

yeah-yeah I know some desperate don't leave me sex would have been nice but it just didn't felt right so sue me :))  
you'll get enough sex later, pervs! :)))

anyhow, please tell me what you think!


	11. Faith

Hi there!

so back with this new chapter, AND it's again not what I planned. This chapter should be in Cas's POV and about a different part of their past, but to hell withwhat I want, from now on I'm gonna just roll with what they want!

I hope you are going to enjoy it, as much as I enjoy writing sulking Dean, because yeah... it's Dean, right?  
Also I enjoy writing cool and collected Cas who loves Dean with everything he has, and makes Dean realize his own importance during their journey togheter.

* * *

Cas left. Five days ago, for a three days job. And he hasn't contacted Dean yet. Not that Dean cares. The guy is his own person. And the fact that they are kinda dating doesn't change anything. It's only been a few months, for God's sake.

So if Cas thinks he doesn't have to call Dean after PROMISING to call as soon he gets back, it's none of Dean's business. He might have driven by Cas's studio, and saw his battered old van Cas uses for assignments, with a sleeping bag and enough place for food and water for an entire army.  
So Dean drove home after taking a peek at the van peacefully standing in the parking lot, and drank a whole bottle of whisky. It doesn't matter. Cas has been home for two days now, and still hasn't contacted him. So screw him, Dean couldn't care less. He WON'T call the bastard, period.

Dean is not some clingy chick; he can give Cas all the space he needs. And why wouldn't he want some time away from Dean? Dean is nothing special, he is cocky and irritating, loud and all in all not the most pleasant guy on this planet. Dean knew this would happen. That Cas would realize sooner or later how unbearable Dean is, and will run away. The thing is, Dean hoped, it would happen later than sooner but is still surprised it lasted that long.  
And during these last few months, Dean was pretty much surprised, that he'd been happy with that nerd. Admittedly happy. He was grinning without any particular reason, his colleagues started to remark, that Dean is more bearable and Jo beat him up until he blurted out, that he's dating Cas. Which caused Pam squeak. And run down to the grocery store around the corner to come back with a bottle of fucking champagne. Benny clapped him on the shoulder, and let out a relieved sigh, and the son of a bitch looked like years of heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Victor was just grinning, and shouting to Bobby to come out of his office, because they are celebrating.

Bobby only huffed and told everybody to shut up and leave him be, but later when they were alone, he sent a small smile to Dean's general direction and huffed out something about 'about damn time, idjit'.  
So yeah everything looked fine and dandy, until last week's job called Cas away AGAIN, and Cas flew out of Dean's door after placing a chaste kiss to Dean's lips and murmuring a quick 'call you when I get back'. But the call never came.  
On the night, Cas supposed to be back, Dean shrugged it off with a 'dude must be beat' and went to sleep, with just only a little bit of disappointment poking around his heart.

However, the next day came and went, and still nothing from Cas, so around three in the morning Dean accidentally drove by Cas's place, only to find the van parked at its usual spot.

And right now, Dean is having an awful hangover, periodically emptying his stomach into the toilet, and in the mean time he has to stop himself on more than one occasion from calling Cas. At the end he just simply turns his cell off, and also disconnects his house phone by throwing it against the wall. Huh. Maybe he is a little bit stressed. But yeah, he thought Cas would have more guts than that.  
Dean always pictured the end of their relationship with Cas telling him, that he can't take it anymore, with so much disappointment in his eyes that it makes Dean want to crawl under the earth. In a cemetery. For eternity.

Never like this. Cas easing his way out of their… whatever they have. So Dean is pissed. He knew he wasn't some first price partner, but he thinks, he still deserves better than that chick-shit break-up.

With a heavy sigh, he grabs another bottle, this time it is vodka and decides that the best cure for a hangover is to never get one. And by this, he means to never stop drinking. He can hear Cas's disappointed voice in his head about Dean drinking too much – although Dean pretty much stopped after starting to date the guy, and he always stopped after his second beer, and hasn't been drunk for months now.  
So Dean tells the Cas in his head and to his empty living room, to 'shut the fuck up' and drinks.

The next morning he wakes up to frantic banging on his door, and groans into his pillow.  
After a few seconds his door slams open and Sam emerges into his apartment.

- Dean…!

- Shut UP, Sammy… What the FUCK? – he complains, when his brother unceremoniously kicks Dean with so much force, that he actually falls to the ground from his couch he's been sleeping on.

But Sam doesn't seem to care he starts shouting.

- What the HELL, Dean? What's wrong with your phone? Anna and I were trying to reach you since last night.

- Anna…? – Dean's confused. Why on earth would Anna want to call Dean?

- Yes, Anna. Cas's sister. You know, the red-head boss of your boyfriend-Anna?

- Why…?

-Dean. – Sam's voice is soft and pitying now. – Cas went MIA. He isn't back yet, and he is not answering his phone.

- What? He IS back… I saw his van…

- Dean. – Sam is exasperated now. - Cas left with a borrowed car this time, because he had some problems with his brakes. He told US about it a day before he left.

At that Dean sits up, ignoring his throbbing head. It does ring a bell in his head now, that Sam reminds him. And everything makes sense now. Cas not calling, the uncomfortable uneasiness in his stomach, the little dreading voice in the back of his mind he just ignored because it was easier to being pissed than letting the fear creep to the surface.

- I take it he didn't contact you either, huh?

Dean is moving, hangover forgotten; he'll have to puke his lungs out after they found Cas. He doesn't even bother with changing his clothes from yesterday, he grabs his keys and his leather jacket, and Sam has to run if he wants to keep up with him.

- Wha… Dean, where are we going?  
- To Anna. – he spits out, and slams the Impala's door. Sam gets in without any other word, he knows Dean better than that. He can see the determination on his face, and knows, arguing would bring nothing.

They make it to Anna's office in no time, and Dean doesn't bother with knocking, he slams the door open and storms in the office of a very disheveled and surprised looking Anna Novak.

- Dean… I don't have… - she starts, but Dean interrupts.

- .CAS?

- Dean, calm down they found him. Or at least they saw the van. They just couldn't land with the helicopter, so in 30 minutes they'll send out the rescue-team.  
And Dean finally can breathe again. But it's far from over.

- I'm going with.

He can see Anna open her mouth, so he repeats before she can get out a sound.

- I. AM. GOING. WITH.

Anna closes her mouth, eyes Dean for a moment, then nods and grabs her bag motioning to Dean to follow her. And of course this is the second, Gabriel makes an appearance, frantic and red-eyed.

- Anna…? – he's nearly as hysterical as Dean feels.

- C'mon Gabe. I'll explain everything on the way.

After that, everything is a blur. They arrive at the station where the rescue team is ready and waiting for them impatiently. Dean gets in a car with some other guys, all geared up. He might be able to breathe again, but his heart is still heavy. His mind is racing with thoughts about Cas. When and in what condition they are going to find him? What, if… No! He has to stop himself right now. No no no no and just NO! Cas is fine. He is a tough little nerd, and he IS fine. He has to be fine.

Dean is really-really grateful that this time Cas didn't had to go that far. They are there in no time, okay almost five hours, which felt like eternity, but they ARE FUCKING THERE by dusk, and Dean can feel his eyes tearing up at the sight of Cas's van at the side of a road between big ass rocks and trees. Two of the tires are flat, the side window is broken and there are dents on the driver's side. Dean jumps out of the rescue-car in the blink of an eye.

- Cas! CAAAS!

The back door of the van opens slowly, and Dean is damn near to a hysterical break down, with tears and frantic laughing as he catches the sight of that stupid, beautiful bastard looking at them – Gabriel and Anna joined Dean and the medical team on the road – with bloodshot, sleepy eyes and they can hear a grumpy, raspy voice mumbling:

- What the hell took you so long?

Yepp Cas is not the nicest person after waking up. But Dean decides that this is his all time favorite thing about the guy.  
As it turns out, on his way home, two of the tires gave up on the bumpy road – Dean is going to strangle whoever gave that piece of crap to Cas – so he maneuvered the car to a stop at the side of the road. Thankfully he was driving very slowly at the time it happened, so he didn't lost control over the vehicle. The window and the dents are his doing. Understandably – at least Cas explains the damage in a voice that suggests, in his mind it IS understandable – he got a little angry, and threw a temper tantrum. Kicked the side of the van a few times, and threw the first thing he grabbed at it, aiming for the window. Cas CAN aim. Seriously, the guy almost made Dean homeless in one drunken night half a year ago, by beating his ass in darts. And they were playing for money.

Too bad, that the thing he threw against the van happened to be his satellite-phone. Which broke the window. Then fell to pieces.

And after taking a better look at the dents on the van? Dean NEVER wants to get on Cas's bad side. The guy can kick. Dean feels sorry for that poor van.

But mostly Dean is just happy. As soon as he shook the initial shock of seeing Cas in the middle of nowhere sleeping peacefully and waking up grumpily like it is the most natural thing of the world to be woken up by shouting and a whole fucking medical-rescue team staring at you, he just strode to the van, grabbed Cas's arm, yanked him out of the car and hugged him stupid. Then kissed him, screw 'morning' breath and dirt and smell and sweat. After a few catcalls from the med-team Dean stopped and let Anna and Gabe to have their fair share by hugging the nerdy photographer until the poor guy started to turn blue.

After that all three of them started to lecture Cas about the disadvantages of throwing your freaking SATELLITE phone against a window in the middle of fucking nowhere, but Cas shut them up with a nonchalant shrug and added:

- Forgot to charge the damn thing, and the batteries died while I attempted to call you guys.

Dean didn't know if he wanted to KILL the guy for being so stupid, or burst out laughing.

And right now, Cas is clean shaved, smells like Dean's aftershave and soap, tugged tightly at Dean's side, and is sleeping peacefully, and Dean can't stop being grateful that his nerd of a boyfriend ALWAYS stuffs his van full with water and cans of chili and shit like that, and swears to never ever make fun of Cas's nerdiness in this matter. Because at the hospital the doctor said with some awe in his voice, that Cas is well hydrated and in a good shape – smell aside – so he can go home and rest, and he can come back later and talk to a professional about the trauma…

At that Cas let out a snort, and told the doctor to shove it.

- The only 'trauma' I endured was some anger but I handled it. I knew Dean will find me.

The doctor just gave Cas an incredulous look and eyed the guy for a few moments, then he probably saw something in the depths of those blue eyes, because he shrugged and walked out with a silent 'good bye'.  
And Dean? He just stood there, mouth agape and drowning in shame and guilt. Cas has had this amazing faith in Dean, who repaid him with whining and sulking. If Dean had just fucking listened to his sixth senses, he could have discovered that Cas is MIA two days ago. So yeah. He keeps his mouth shut and makes another promise to himself, which he is quite sure he'll never break.

Always taking care of Cas.

* * *

yeppp, no porn. AGAIN.  
so I lied. except I didn't, not really. I WANTED to write porn for you, my little pervs and also for myself, because I'm one of you, believe it or not, but yeah...  
for today that's it, be back again, hopefully tomorrow :)


	12. Visions and Freckles

Hi there!

ok, FINALLY, it's sex time. Hope it won't disappoint.

* * *

Cas found himself dumbfounded and unable to stop staring. Ok, the staring thing might be nothing new, because regarding to Gabriel, Castiel had some serious issues with his sight, that's why he was always staring. Or, his brain – thanks Anna – needed just more time than a normal person to get in line with what his eyes saw and gave a proper feedback to his consciousness. Why again, had their parents decided they needed THREE kids?

But this, this was something else, and Cas seriously started to consider Anna's theory about Cas's staring. Because seriously? The guy in front of him… Nope. Not real. He wanted to blink, really. He was just too afraid to do so. What if IT disappears? Because holy Mary and all the Saints in sweet wherever they lived… THIS vision in front of him… If visions like this means that Cas is suffering from severe hallucinations he never wants it to stop.

The simply most beautiful hazel eyes he ever saw were staring right back at him, and those eyes belonged to the most handsome face he ever hallucinated. Not that it was a habit of his.

With FRECKLES, and how ridiculously perfect that was? Cas always has been a sucker for freckles. Give him a few nicely situated freckles on a cute face with big eyes and he is already melted into a puddle on the floor. And those lips? Just the cherry on the whipped cream decorated perfection in front of him. Cas is almost afraid to look at the guy's body, who – if Cas's feedbacks are correct – staring back with the same disbelief. But he is not so sure about that because…well yeah. His mind is probably playing tricks with him.

A rather grumpy woman breaks the spell cursing them about the dropped drinks and Sam along with a blonde, Jo, if Cas remembers correctly are a bit too eager to help, which ends up with more drinks spilled.  
But soon the pool of alcohol is cleaned up and they are sitting again, and thank God the black haired harpy is not trying to make another move on him, but looks amused as hell, with an all-knowing sparkle in her too pale-icy-blue eyes. Pam, wasn't it?

A few months later she – Pam indeed – apologizes to Cas for making a move on him, and as she puts it, she'd never have done so if she'd known that Cas bats for the other team. But her gaydar must have been offline under the influence of the shots he had that night. Cas just shrugs and tells her in front of the whole squad, that he bats for both teams, and Meg, his ex-girlfriend from sophomore year in college would agree with him, and tells the 'psychic bitch' – by Dean – that there are no bad feelings, it's just Cas prefers his conquests a bit more obedient. At that Dean is blushing bright red, really he looks like a tomato, Pam is gaping like a fish in a net and everybody is staring, Bobby included. Jo starts giggling, then everybody is laughing and Cas learns, that NOBODY talked to Pam like this before. After coming back from disbelief-land, Pam tells Dean firmly, to MARRY Cas right now, or she'll make another move.

But right now, they are sitting in the booth, Dean – fucking Sam's fucking BROTHER, and Cas wants to KILL Sam for hiding Dean from him for so long – is sitting next to him, which makes the staring a bit difficult, but the gentle press of their legs under the table pretty much makes up for it.  
And yep Dean IS a charmer, and Cas usually isn't a sucker for genderizers – for the lack of better word, because Dean seems to flirt with EVERYTHING that moves – Cas registers a few things about him, he finds just too endearing. The way Dean looks at Sam, how he teases him, or the gentleness in his eyes every time Ellen appears at their table with the new sets of drinks, how his smile lits up the fucking bar every time Sam does this dorky-drunken laugh of his – which really is a nice sound and sight and Cas finds himself smiling along. Dean can't stop talking. But with his voice Cas actually considers to gag everybody who interrupts Dean's flow of words.

Not much later everybody is beyond inebriated. Cas too. The music box starts to play some old-old rock and roll song, Cas barely recognizes with his drunken mind, and the boner is not helping either, but Dean just can't stop whispering in his ears, and his big-big hands are sliding up and down Cas's tight, and WHEN the hell did he put his hands on Dean's crotch? The whole table cheers and somebody is dragging Cas along to the dance floor and Dean is grabbing his waist and they are dancing, pressed against each other, hot and hard and so-so horny.

When the song ends, everybody is going back to their table and sitting down, except them, they accidentally on purpose forget to go back with the others, instead they are heading to the nearest cab – Dean drove here, but he is in no shape for driving and neither is Cas – and are on their way to Dean's home. Cas didn't even said good bye to the others, but Dean is kissing him on the backseat of the cab and Cas couldn't care less.

The next thing he knows, is that they are running up to Dean's door, and stumbling into the apartment, attached by the lips. Cas is fighting for dominance, and Dean gives up after like a fucking second, and Cas moans uncontrollably and almost shreds Dean's shirt in his overzealous attempts to take it off. The buttons of his own shirts are flying everywhere as he rips it open because he needs SKIN, Dean's skin on his, then he is throwing Dean onto the bed – how they made into the bedroom is beyond Cas – and climbs on top of him. Dean spreads his legs and Cas attacks his torso with kisses and tongue and sucking, and oh my God, Dean tastes divine. His skin is hot and tanned and all silky, his chest is beautifully built and Cas loses his mind, he takes one of Dean's nipples in his mouth, and teases it with his tongue and teeth and Dean is shaking and trembling under his ministrations. Cas's hand finds the buttons on Dean's jeans and unbuttons them with one hand, then his fingers are slipping inside, grabbing the hot, leaking hardness he finds there.

He stops kissing and licking Dean's chest – and belly and neck and every surface he can reach – in favor of removing both of their jeans'. While he is at it, Dean grabs something from his nightstand, which appears to be lube and condom, and Cas makes a good use of them.

In not time, he is sucking on Dean's cock, like his very existence is depending on it, and he can tell, that Dean lost it, because he is sobbing, whining and groaning, grabbing Cas's hair, tugging on it, his hips are bucking, so Cas adds some more pressure, blows and sucks, licks the underside, sucks on the head, tasting nothing but pure Dean there, his saliva is mixing with the pre-cum he finds there, and then he slips on lubed finger inside Dean after teasing and massaging his balls, and Dean goes still, he is panting hard, his mouth closing and opening, eyes wide, unseeing.  
So Cas adds another finger, scissoring, opening him up, but never stops sucking, and avoids Dean's prostate – for now.

With three fingers in he finally brushes it with his fingers, and looks up, and almost comes on the spot. Dean is hot as hell, back arching beautifully from the bed, with rapture and some surprise on his face, body rigid and in the next second, he is coming down Cas's throat with a soundless moan and Cas swallows it all, sucks harder, and his fingers are pressing against Dean's prostate, massaging it, until the guy goes slack and jelly-like.

Cas pulls his fingers out, and kisses the top of the quickly softening cock, then slides his body on top of Dean's, kisses him and murmurs:

- I'm not done yet, big boy. Do you think, that you can take it? – he can hear the thick, hot need in his own voice, which is deeper and raspier than ever, and all Dean can do, is nod and lick his lips.

- Good. I want you on your hands and knees for me.

It takes a few seconds, but Dean eventually manages to get on his hands and knees in front of Cas, legs spread in a slight straddle, and Cas would stop to admire the sight, if it wasn't for his aching cock. So he just positions himself behind that gorgeous ass, lubes himself up – he has to close his eyes and concentrate of not coming, because he is oversensitive and so-so turned on – and then slides home. Dean is pliant and spent, but his cock is twitching again, and Cas would bet, that it's almost painful for him, but he seems to enjoy it, so he continues, while Dean lets out a keening sound, deep and desperate.

Cas can't help but think that he is perfect. If there is a love at first sight, then love at first sex, then yep he is suffering from it. So he gives anything he has, and starts to move, and apparently in a perfect angle, because just after a few thrusts Dean is hardening again, and his hands are collapsing under him, and he is on his elbows now, so Cas is lifting himself up a little, he puts one of his soles on the sheets and he is half kneeling, half standing now and fucks Dean into the mattress without mercy – he can't hold back, not with that turned out to be real hallucination under him, around him, groaning and begging for him like some porn-star, and soon Cas's thrusts become erratic, and pants:

- Touch yourself, Dean!

And Dean obeys. How perfect is that? Too perfect. Too much. Cas is coming in no time, and while he orgasms, he fucks Dean through it, and Dean is coming just seconds after Cas is finished and is about to collapse, but the sight perks him up, because the sound Dean lets out is indescribable. It's raw and desperate and almost animalistic, with a hint of pain in it, then it's over and they are collapsing onto the crumpled sheets, and nobody says anything, they are just staring into each other's eyes.

Then Dean is smirking, and Cas grins back, they snuggle closer to each other, and they fell asleep in each other's arms, with a soft murmur from Dean, which makes Cas's heart all warm and buzzing with happiness.

-I'd like to keep you…

* * *

Next chapter will be probably our Dean dearest again, and the next morning :))  
After that, I have no idea, not yet :)))

Ideas? Opinions?


	13. Play with Me

**sooo my dearest readers, that's what you get...**

* * *

Castiel was enjoying himself. Or, more accurately he was enjoying his time with Dean. Dean, whose wrists were tied behind his back, all dressed up, standing in front of Cas, to do what he wanted.

And Cas wanted to do nasty things to Dean. So he started to unbutton his own shirt, very-very slowly. He could see, how Dean's pupils widened, almost to the point, that his hazel-irises were barely visible. He could see Dean's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed and started to lick his lips in anticipation. As if he could taste Cas's skin already, or just remembered how it tastes.  
Which, probably was true. At this point, Dean pretty much knew every inch of Castiel's body and taste. As much as Cas knew those things about Dean.  
And Cas also knew, how to push Dean's buttons, so he stopped with the striptease, and started to circle around Dean. Who was not allowed to move, or to talk. Yeah, the guy obeyed as always, but Cas still could see that he was already shaking.

O, yeah… This would be fun… Cas grabbed Dean's ass, and started to massage the firm muscle he found under the layer of jeans, and started to grin when he heard Dean's breath hitch…

- Is there something you want, Dean?

At Dean's weak nod, Cas grinned wickedly.

- Then TELL the READERS, to LEAVE comments, kudos and reviews.

Dean groaned and started to complain, but Cas won't have any of it.

- Dean, if they don't leave comments, I can't do this anymore, sorry... And you are also not allowed to touch yourself. You're gonna get blue balls, until they tell ME, how much they love it when I tie you up and fuck you senseless... Or how much they wanna know about our story together... Sorry, Dean...

Dean started to sob silently, and for the first time in his life, he actually started to pray- to the readers...

Can you hear him, guys?

* * *

**...if you don't leave comments and reviews :)) **  
**Thaaaanks for reading, next chapter up tomorrow? :)**

**what do you want more? porn or fluff? both?**

**guys, seriously... 29 followers, and I'm asking every time what do you think, and the only thing I can get are 1 or 2 r's per chapter? **

**not cool, not happy :(**


	14. Wine-Night

**Ok, it's a long ass chapter, sorry for the wait but soon I'm going to move friggin intercontinental so I spent my day boxing all my belongings I'm going to send back to Europe in August with a ship, and I'm beat now.**

* * *

Dean Winchester is an assbutt. And that fact is so official, that Castiel decides to advise his professor friend to add a seminar about it to his study-plan, then students could get easy grades for it, because all they have to do for an A+ is to spend one fucking afternoon with the one and only Dean 'Assbutt' Winchester.

Yes, that's exactly is what Cas is going to do. As soon, as he's finished with the leftover wine (Sam of course HAD to bring an ass-expensive wine to the 'family'-dinner and then leave what's left to Dean and Cas to drink, and that is what Cas is going to do), he is going to call Michael at his fancy university office and discuss the topic with him.

But first, finish the wine. Cas has to admit, that Sam has a good taste. A bit snobbish, but good. Cas snorts to himself. Sam, Sammy, little Samantha. He can feel, that he's being mean to his best friend but he couldn't care less. Yep his friends told him so many times – including that big soppy-haired dwarf with hormone-disorder, named Sam(antha) – not to drink wine, because if he drinks wine, his personality changes 'juuuust a bit' and he'll turn to this insufferable jerk, who'll pick at EVERYTHING that moves, and yeah… Cas can remember, the few times it happened somehow (Gabriel, YOU SOB!), the next day has always been spent in his room under his blanket and praying for a quick death of humiliation.

But honestly? Right now Cas just can't find the strength to give a flying fuck about it. He FREAKING yearns it! At least that assbutt of a boyfriend of him will get a taste of his own medicine.

Okay, getting overjoyed and overenthusiastic about Dean's almost shy proposal about the both of them moving in together after almost two years, was probably a mistake on Cas's side. Inviting Sam and Sarah for a celebratory dinner might be a little presumptuous. But it's still not a good enough reason for Dean, to behave like a jerk in front of their 'family' – Cas starts to believe, that he might not be a part of Dean's family – talking like the moving in is just some shit Cas wanted – yeah, it's true, but he NEVER pushed the topic, he knows Dean all too well – and Dean didn't really wished for it, or getting drunk during the dinner, then leaving Cas's studio with some rude remark about Cas being a pushover, and that Dean needs to think about this whole 'ton of shit we are planning to pull'.

That happened hours ago, and Cas is pretty much still pissed. He knows, he shouldn't drink the wine Sam and Sarah left at his studio, he knows that right now he should just sit down, think the whole fiasco over, and talk to Dean later, when Dean comes back – yeah, it's a when, never an if – but he just can't.

Cas wants, needs to shout, he has to be mean and rude and just pour all of his anger out – he fucking deserves it once in a while, because hello! He is handling Dean's bullshit in 24/7 and he deserves to be canonized for it like yesterday, because he still didn't kill the bastard.

Of course, just as he's finished with the last drops from the bottle, his cell starts to vibrate. It's a text from Dean.

"come over?"

Cas grins wickedly. Pay time, WinchASSter. Or, playtime…

Cas sends back an exclamation mark, grabs his keys and dials a cab-company while shrugging on his light-grey jacket –present from Dean for last Christmas, the freaking jacket has two little wings on the back, and 'Thursday' written under them in red, ancient letters. Dean found the jacket with the wings, then gave it to Sarah, who engraved 'Thursday' in it. Dean always found Cas's name hilarious. And Cas LOVES this stupid-stupid jacket, you could say it's his only possession which he is willing to risk his life for, in case of a house fire, for example. Everything in this studio can burn, but Cas would save that jacket.

The drive to Dean's apartment was a blur – Cas might have harassed the driver verbally – and soon, Dean Winchester opened his door to reveal a fuming Castiel Novak.

Cas felt some satisfaction upon seeing the question mark formed on Dean's face, when the soon to be chewed and split out bastard took in Cas's expression and hard glare.

Yeah, Cas is pretty sure, Dean never saw Cas like this before.

- Cas…

- WinchASSter…

Cas let out a wicked, deep laugh at the sight of Dean's mouth falling open and shut, something like beyond shock written all over his features. The guy's whole posture went rigid, eyes wide and almost glassy. Indeed. Dean never encountered wine-drunken Cas before. He might have – and with might Cas means for sure – heard about it, but never saw it. Cas took care of it. Gabe CAN BE blackmailed. There is only one person on this planet Gabe is afraid of. And it's their big sister, Anna.  
That's why there weren't any accidents with wine and Cas since he got together with Dean. Or, a little bit before, after the last incident, which Dean heard of, and laughed his ass off.

Right now, Cas is staring at Dean with a raised eyebrow, and waits patiently until the guy puts two and two together.

Yeppppp, theeere it is. The realization… Cas grins at Dean, who gapes at him.

- Cas…? Are you… are you…?

- Yes, Asster… .Wine.

- Cas, oh my God… did you…

- Not yet, WhineAsster, not yet. But you bet your ass, that I will.

- Cas, look…

- No, asshole, YOU look! I'm the one who's talking, you shut up for once, and listen to me.

- Cas, I think you should calm down…

- Oh, no. I don't think so. Actually what I think is quite the opposite. We should get more worked up. I mean, helloo Dean, little Cas wants to say hi! To your pretty hole. But not just any kind of a 'hi' but a very-very special 'HI'.

At this point Cas's voice is just a growl, and he can see Dean's eyes lit up with lust and want and need.

- Yes, that's what I thought. You are such a little cock-slut, Dean. You've always wanted this, right? Me manhandle you, fuck you hard and use you. You are secretly dreaming about this, am I right? I think I am. You see, Dean, don't think, I haven't noticed your longing for me to be rough with you. What do you think? Up for it?

Dean shakes his head, if only weakly, but his expression and ayes, the bulge in his jeans are a completely different story.

- What, Dean? Don't tell me that you grew some morals right now? About me, being drunk, and not myself?

- Cas…

- Oh, no. I am going to fuck you Dean. And you are going to obey. Do you understand?

When Dean says nothing, Cas steps closer, grabs Dean's shirt and shakes the guy.

- Do. You. Understand?

- Yes…

- Very well. Take off your pants and underwear. Leave the shirt on. Then go to the table, and bend over it. Put your hands over your head and DO NOT MOVE. Is that clear? Can you do that?

At Dean's nod Cas releases the shirt, with a rather violent push, and Dean stumbles a little, before catching himself and starting to undress with slightly shaking hands.

When he is ready, Cas admires the sight before stepping closer, and smacking the offered ass-cheeks. Hard.

Dean yelps, which earns him two more hits, which he endures without a sound, but starts trembling and his hands are in a tight fist over his head.

Cas steps away and goes to Dean's bedroom and takes his sweet time for searching for the lube. He slowly walks back to the living room, and admires Dean all bent over and waiting for him a little bit longer.

- So, slut. I'm going to tell you, what's going to happen. You obey, and I'll reward you, you disobey, I'll punish you.

And without waiting for an answer, he coats his fingers with the lube, crosses the room in three steps and pushes a finger without warning deep inside of Dean's welcoming heat.

Dean keens and groans, but does as been told and doesn't move an inch. Soon after, Cas has three fingers inside, scissoring, opening Dean up for his now achingly hard cock.

After a few more thrusts he pulls his fingers out and Dean whines a little, and his knuckles are actually white from the force he is fisting his hands over his head.  
Cas doesn't even bother with pulling down his pant or boxer-shorts and is very-very thankful for the snaps on them, because he just simply pulls his cock out, lubes it up and then he is already pushing in and in deep in that tight-tight hole, he loves and adores and could never get tired of – when he is at his right mind, but right now he isn't so it's just like he's under some spell and needs and craves and yearns. He has to be in Dean, has to fuck him hard, and harder until the guy learns his place.

- You won't come. You won't touch yourself. – he grits out, while thrusting in and out with a punishing speed and force, and Dean sobs an affirmative, but Cas can see, that he is also out of his mind, he never saw Dean like this before, falling apart at this extent.

And then Cas is coming inside of Dean, deep and hot, and his knees are buckling under the raw force of his orgasm, and he has to lean a little bit onto Dean, and he has to wait a few seconds, before he pulls out.

- Now. Go to the couch. DON'T talk. Go to the couch and lay down. On your back, head on the armrest. Spread your legs.

When Dean does as told, he has to praise him, such a nice, obedient little toy for Castiel.

- Good boy. Good little slut.

At this Dean whines, eyes shut and his hips are thrusting into the air, his hands are grabbing the couch-cushions underneath him. Cas steps to the couch and sits down, lube in his hand. He simply turns on the TV and starts channel surfing. Dean's face and chest are beautifully pink and he is panting hard, legs shaking, hips still thrusting up and down, as he is searching for some friction.

After ten minutes, which are possibly an eternity for Dean, Cas puts down the remote control, and lubes his fingers up, then slides three of them inside of Dean.

- Dean, I am going to watch this show. While I am watching, you are not allowed to come or touch yourself. You are not allowed to talk, not even for begging. I am going to finger fuck you once in a while and you are going to stay nice and hard for me. After the show is finished, I'm going to fuck you again. Understood?

Dean nods, and Castiel rewards him with his fingers brushing against his prostate. Dean throws one arm over his face, but Cas just barks a short 'don't' at him, and he puts his arm back to his side.

During the 39 minutes of the stupid show Cas isn't paying any attention to, he pulls out and puts his fingers in Dean's ass irregularly, teasing him mercilessly. As soon he notices that Dean is about to cum, he stops massaging his prostate but sometimes leaves his fingers inside.  
When the show finishes at last, Cas stands up and pulls off his pants along with his boxers, and lays down between Dean's eagerly spread legs, pushes in and fucks him hard again.

It doesn't take a long time for Cas to feel his orgasm building up, he feels the familiar tension building up in his groin, spreading through his body, and he whispers brokenly in Dean's ears:

- You can come, little slut. You did well, come for me. Now.

Dean, barely conscious again does as he's been told, and is coming, long and hot against their chests, trembling, and screaming and Cas follows him losing himself in both of their rapture then he is collapsing against Dean's heavily rising and sinking chest.

The next morning is full of tension and regret – the latter from Cas's side, who can't seem to stop to apologize to Dean, who despite his sore and still raw ass is assures him over and over again, that it's more than just fine, it was perfect.

At last, Dean sighs.

- Cas, about what happened at the dinner…

But Cas stops him, he already made up his mind. He knows Dean, and knows very well, how much Dean is freaking out. And Cas is full with regret, and guilt and he tries to hide the fear squeezing his chest, the fear of what Dean has to say, wants to say. Losing Dean? Never.

So he speaks first.

- It's okay Dean. Really. – he smiles at the beautiful man still lying on his bed, and he pulls on his socks, then stands up. – I understand, believe me. And I am not angry with you.

- Thanks, Cas. I just wanted to say, that…

Cas takes a deep breath, leans in and kisses Dean gently on the mouth.

- I don't think we should move in together right now, Dean.

* * *

**Aaaand porn, very little fluff (I think the jacket thing was kinda fluff-category) and a little cliffhanger at the end, which I'm sorry for, but I wanted to switch POV's at that point, and can't write anymore. It's like 2 am here but I promise the next chapter will be up ASAP tomorrow.**

**Hope you liked the chapter though :) :) again, THAT wasn't the plan, I mean I never wanted the first wine-drunken night together ending like this, but I think that's what you got after spending your hole day boxing and sorting things out :))**


	15. Dean's life is a bitch

**Back :) missed me?**  
**sorry for the delay was busy and a bit depressed and annoyed - hate moving!**

**sorry for the lack of smut but there is fluff and yeah, a bit hard time given to Dean by almost everyone, because yeah, Dean's life is a bitch XD XD **  
**but he is kinda awesome as is Cas :)) so they're awesome, so hav fun with the new chapter! :))**

* * *

Those last words are still ringing in Dean's ears. Cas left like hours ago and Dean is still not able to pull himself together enough to leave the bed.  
He is looking at the ceiling; his mind is like a broken record, repeating Cas's words over and over. "I don't think we should move in together right now, Dean."

After that everything is a blur. Dean recalls Cas telling him, ASSURING him that it's fine, that they are not over, they are just taking things slow and that the important thing is that Dean's comfortable in this relationship, because Cas is just happy to have Dean. But Dean can't recall those words exactly, just that one sentence that broke his heart.

And the saddest thing is about this whole mess, that Dean is not even angry with Cas, he is not heartbroken because Cas said that, but he is angry with himself he's heartbroken for Cas, because he – again, fuck you Winchester – let Cas down.

Dean is an idiot, but he's not stupid. And he can read Cas, he knows every little aspect of Cascism, and Cas might be collected and gentle but he was freaking sad. For God's sake Dean became a fanatic Casist like four years ago, of course he knows the guy is pretty broken right now just as much as he knows that Cas was fucking ecstatic when Dean asked him to move in together. Not that some guy from the street could tell it, but Dean could.

And he had to go for a freak-out run and ruin it for Cas. And for himself.

Because after his drunken freak-out walk he calmed down and realized how much he really wants this. As sappy as it sounds, he wants to wake up with Cas every fucking morning, he wants to eat breakfast with him, go to bed with him and all that jazz. He wants that stupid goofy smile of Cas's to be the first thing he sees in the morning or upon arriving home after a 24 hours shift.

He knows he needs to talk to Cas, but he also knows that the guy is determined right now, he decided that Dean needs space and Dean doubts words will be enough. Add some typical Winchester to it and Dean just fucking knows that he'll screw up more. Because really? Him and words? Not a good combination.

Dean also considers that Cas might be better off without him, but he just ain't that kind of a Disney-princess, he is selfish as fuck and wants to tie Cas to himself with iron-chains if possible. So letting him go just for the sake of him? Nope, not an option. And besides Dean's selfishness, he still IS in the Cas-sect and is very aware of the rules: don't make decisions for Cas because it WILL end up with you dying horribly.  
And with that, he has two reasons – besides his kinda crazy addiction towards the guy – to not to let him go. Or, to put it better, not even TRY to let him go.

With this considered Dean shakes himself and leaves the bed. He needs some nutrition and coffee. AND a plan. He HAS to convince Cas that they SHOULD move in together, using as little words as possible. So, actions it is. Dean likes to pride himself with his extremely good planning skills and his ability to analyze situations and take the right steps and act upon them. That is why he became Bobby's second in command. Dean is intuitive but sharp and a good observer. Or he is where it counts. And Cas counts thank you very much.

And Dean has the feeling that Cas is kind of aware of that fact he is just not aware of how MUCH he counts. Cas is freakishly smart and his knowledge about Dean is freaky. So Dean figures that Cas figured out that he counts, that he is kinda important to Dean because hell, Dean 'I-don't-do-relationships' Winchester is with him for two years now. And Cas might be a little insecure but he is not doubting Dean's feelings. He doubts Dean determination about taking a big step. So Dean has to prove himself.

Strangely he is not freaking out anymore. At least not about moving in with Cas, he is freaking about NOT to moving in with Cas.  
Huh. Just one little sentence made everything to turn upside down and in any other case Dean would consider that it's just a reverse psychology method to change his mind. But he knows Cas and Cas would never do that to anybody. He is too straightforward. Still it has the effect nonetheless and Dean is desperate now. Without trying to manipulate him, the guy manipulated him. The guy actually MENT it, to not to move in together, because he thinks it is an inconvenience to Dean, that it'll make Dean run or Dean will regret it. Well, FUCK.

On a whim, he calls Sam, and though his brother is annoyed with him, or you know, he is fucking PISSED at him, he still listens – after some cursing and an angry yell from Dean, to just 'shut the fuck up and listen, bitch' – to Dean's plan and actually agrees to help. And with his plan all set up, Dean can't wipe off the half-smug half-nervous grin of his face.

Yeah, the plan IS a risky one, but something in his guts tells him that it'll be fine. That Cas won't kick his ass out.

The next one he needs to talk to is Bobby. He can hear the guy's curses in his head already but hopes that Bobby will agree, because Dean needs to do it. And he needs a day or two to set everything in motion.

Later, when he arrives to the station everybody can tell that something is off with Dean, because he is a twitching, nervous wreck and it doesn't help that Bobby calls him in the office and berates him for a good ten minutes before Dean blurts out everything. How he fucked up – again – to which Bobby curses him, but listens nonetheless only to be shell-shocked upon hearing Dean's stupid plan. The silence is deafening for a whole minute while Bobby glares at his surrogate son who tries to avoid the old man's eyes. Than Bobby huffs out a laugh, and tells Dean to get lost after his shift is done and not to come back before he makes up to Cas for his latest fuck up.

And Dean is grateful but still a bit offended because hell, EVERYBODY is on Cas's side. Dean just can't wrap his mind around the fact that his – their – friends took Cas in so fast. After they started dating fucking Ellen Harvelle talked to Dean and told him, if he hurts Cas, she'll hunt his sorry ass down. Sam told the same. FUCKING Sam. HIS brother. Although Dean has to admit, he'll probably hunt his own sorry ass down if he were to hurt Cas. Or, you know more than he did.

And thinking about Ellen, Dean's pretty sure he'll get his ass kicked by her VERY soon. Because Bobby just can't shut his mouth, so he'll tell Ellen what happened, then Ellen will kill Dean, and then tell Jo about it who in exchange will bury Dean's corps in her backyard. After she cut it to small pieces. Because Jo just had to go and FELL in love with Cas and baby the guy every time, like Cas is the little brother she never had. Who cares, that Dean IS her big brother, if not by blood but by choice and a childhood spent together? Also they choose the same profession.  
Still Dean is man enough to admit, that he'll deserve it. Big time.

And yepp soon enough Dean's cell is ringing and the display says it's Ellen. Dean wants to hide and cry like the little bitch he becomes every time Ellen is angry with him. But only those who never met Ellen would judge Dean for it.  
And as predictable, as soon Dean answers the phone, Ellen greats him with a raging 'I'm going to kick you so hard in the ass Winchester that you'll circling around the Moon for a year' and carries on with similar nice things for a few minutes only to add:

- Bobby tells me you have a plan. I don't care if you need my help or not, because 'm gonna help and you ain't got any say in it, is that clear boy?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Good. You finished with your shift you piece of shit and you come and report here in The Roadhouse. Am I clear, boy?

- Yes, maa'aam. – Dean whines a little but Ellen won't have any of it.

- Listen to me boy! You are very important to us, got it? And Cas is also very important to us. And 'm sure as you hell you know that 's the best thing ever happened to your sorry ass. So ain't gonna let you screw this up.

- Yes.

- Great. I'll be waiting.

There is a hint of threat in her voice but she sounds also affectionate as she hangs up the phone with a gruff 'see ya' soon'.  
Somehow Dean is very-very grateful that Jo is not scheduled for another 24 hours but his relief is short lived and dies painfully when Pam attacks him from behind and literally kicks his ass with a force that sends him stumbling a few steps.

- What the Hell… - but Dean shuts up as soon as he casts a glance at Pam's face who is glaring at him.

- Jo called me. – that's all she tells him before leaving for the kitchen. Bitch. Well, bitches. And how is this Dean's life? Ok, he screwed up but he already knows it and tries to make it right so why does everybody think that he needs more pushes or he needs more punishment? It seems to be that everybody is a little bit too keen on their lives with Cas and everybody has this fucking conviction that they need to be a part of everything. Seriously at this point Dean wouldn't be surprised if they suddenly started to advise him on his sex life WHILE watching them doing it. Or just move in with them, observing and analyzing Dean like he's some rare but annoying animal.

This train of thoughts makes him annoyed and then angry. Like very fucking angry. So it's not a surprise that he snaps in his cell upon answering a call from Sarah.

- What? You callin' because you want to tell me how much of a big screw-up I'm? Newsflash honey I KNOW and I don't fucking need any more of that crap, ok? I'm trying here to make everything right so just leave me alone. ALL of you. And tell that traitor to shut his fucking mouth and not to gossip…

- Dean… - Sarah's voice is gentle and patient which surprises Dean to absolute silence. – I'm not calling you to give you a hard time; I figured that everybody else will do that. I just wanted to tell you that I'll help with everything you need, got it? And also I don't think that you are a screw up. Yes you happen to act very immature most of the time but you also take care of everybody and you are there for us when it really counts. And I'll tell that 'traitor' to shut up and mind his own business. So, do you need any help?

Ok, Dean might be the biggest enemy of marriage, but he kind of understands why Sam proposed to this girl. And he also might think that it was the fucking best idea ever because seriously? Sarah is awesome.

- Thank you… - he croaks weakly and adds with a bit more dignity – And no, Ellen has it covered. Just… just thank you.

Sarah laughs softly, and Dean revokes her awesomeness a little after hearing her good-bye words:

- Dean Winchester, you big softy!

Two days later Dean founds himself in Cas's studio, nervous as hell. Ellen left a few minutes ago and Cas could be at home in any minute now. For the last two days Dean sneaked out of meeting up with Cas and the last phone-call made him guilty as fuck because Cas sounded fucking sad and resigned and being fluent in Casese means that Dean knows exactly what kind of thoughts are running through Cas's pretty head. Dean is like 100% sure that Cas thinks Dean's going to end the relationship and beats himself up by thinking HE screwed up. Not Dean.

So Dean is nervous as hell and hearing the keys in the lock isn't helping. But he feigns up some courage and faces Cas as the guy enters the studio.

Point for Dean. The surprise on Cas's face is priceless also the clearly written confusion by seeing Dean sitting on the small couch surrounded by boxes and bags.

- D… Dean? – yepp the question marks are clearly visible around the guy's whole being. Dean flashes a shy grin at Cas and shrugs a little, indicating to the boxes on his left.

- Your stuff from my apartment. – than he motions to the other side. – My stuff from the same place.

Cas is freaking dumbfounded and it seems he became some statue, looking at Dean without blinking or breathing.  
Dean shrinks a little and takes a deep breath, because he knows he HAS to talk, he needs to explain, but he is only halfway to open his mouth when Cas, as awesome he is, appears in his personal space with the biggest, goofiest shit eating grin on his face Dean ever saw and in the next second they are kissing like their life depends on it, and Cas manages to whisper an 'assbutt' in Dean's mouth which makes him laugh, and hold Cas closer, burying his face into his neck, inhaling the sweet-sweet scent he finds there.

And suddenly Dean knows even better than before that he made the right decision. And they'll have all the time of the world to find a new apartment, something bigger and nicer than Cas's small and cramped studio-apartment, but for now it'll do it.  
And Dean can't suppress the overwhelming happiness boiling inside of his chest, because yeah. Cas understood.

* * *

**wanna write some smut in the next chapter, so I hope those two will suck it up :))))**


	16. Date Nights

**hmmmm trying to make up for the last few days, so here is smut and some flashbacks. **  
**not the hottest but yeah those two are going to be the death of me :)**

* * *

It's completely understandable and reasonable that they have celebratory sex. After their third date. Slightly drunk.  
Okay, so it took Dean two years (actually less, but almost one year's been spent with sulking about Balthazar) to realize how much he wants and needs Cas.

Actually Dean would think – if he could think right now – that the celebratory sex should have happened after their first date, but Cas, the bastard he is laughed in his face and told him with his usual bluntness that he's NOT going to screw with Dean on their first "night" together, because he can still remember how well the next morning went, and added, that if Dean wants his cock shoved up in his ass, Dean has to prove somehow that this time he actually MEANS the fucking "I would like to keep you" part.

And left Dean, with a raging hard on, because yeah the "first" kiss happened after they arrived at Dean's place – Cas insisted to drive and Dean wanted to show him how serious he is, so he left the Impala at home AND cheated on her by sitting in Cas's old van – and not just some shy first-date-kiss, but a full on make out session and GOD, Cas had one wicked tongue.

Speaking of. That. Tongue. Up. In Dean's ass. Cas rimming him, licking and sucking like Dean's ass tasted better than anything else he ever tried. After the fucking third date. If you'd ask Dean – of course not right now because he's barely coherent at the moment – he'd tell you how fucking much it was worth the wait.

Cas again does this little something with his tongue and Dean can see stars and angels and fluffy cupids, and can hear the heavenly choir sing. Or something is just seriously damaged in his head, might be he lost his synopses or they are malfunctioning. Because what he feels right now is better than anything else he ever felt, and he has the slight suspicion that it's not just because Cas is like the best lover Dean ever had, but because he is, you know- CAS.

Cas, who Dean wanted since they've met two years ago, but happened to be too chicken-shit to admit and at time he found himself less reluctant to admit, Cas happened to date somebody else.

One of Cas's slender, strong fingers is joining the party inside of Dean's ass, and he can't help it- he moans and whimpers shamelessly. That bastard is taking Dean apart bit by bit and with such control that Dean just completely gave up and left himself at Cas's mercy, who apparently has no clue what that word means.  
Not that Dean complains as the second finger joins the tongue and the first one, opening up Dean with fast, accurate thrusts and scissoring while the tongue keeps him nicely wet and slick.

By the time the third finger slides in Dean's a complete mess, and not just because Cas is massaging his prostate, but also because he just came like some teenager a few seconds ago, hard and almost painfully fast, but that didn't made Cas stop. The bastard continues with his ministrations and Dean is all jelly and limp and satisfied- a big mess of pleasure and rapture.

Dean might actually had dreamt of this a few – many – times in the last two years, and those dreams were always spiced with the fading but lingering memory of Cas inside him, of Cas touching and kissing him, and to be honest Dean hated to wake up from those dreams because reality hit him like bricks and made his whole day snappy and whiny. Also the dreams brought up the memories of the next morning, which just added to his bitchiness.

He realized VERY soon he made a big mistake but of course Dean Winchester just couldn't admit it, so he very carefully pushed the regret down and went on with the plan Cas came up with; being friends. And Dean just HAD to admire the guy for it, because that morning, after the first minutes of awkwardness Cas manned up and gave Dean a piece of mind about Dean being a dick and himself being an idiot, and slammed his head into the kitchen table a few times, only to whimper out some plea about their last night hopefully not being the break-line between Cas and Sam, because Sam is too important in Cas's life, best friend and almost brother, and the guy actually promised to stay out of Dean's way, or behave civilized on the rare occasions they HAVE to meet.

Dean found himself dumbstruck and couldn't even answer just looked at the guy who just kept on rambling about understanding that the situation is a big mess and Dean's being an inconsiderate assbutt who should keep his dick to himself if he's not in for relationships – at least at times where "family" is concerned and he's kinda begging Dean not to interfere with the whole Sam and Cas friendship.  
Then he again called Dean an assbutt, but an OK assbutt and Dean had to interrupt with a lame and totally out of pace question about 'what the hell is up with that assbutt-thing?'

After that they found themselves pretty soon in a nice conversation, sharing things about childhood and jobs and studies- nice nothings but completely at ease with each other and at the time Sam dragged his prissy-sorry ass home, they were cracking up with laughing almost hysterically about one of Sam's childhood-stories Dean told Cas about and swore him to secrecy which Cas promised, only to use it against Dean in the future, but yeah. Dean figured, he deserved it.  
Not too much later Cas left and all Dean wanted was just run after him, and beg him to come back, and forget about their deal them being friends for someone's sake they both loved and wanted to protect but as soon as Sam muttered something about Dean being 'whipped' he just shrugged the feeling off and disappeared in his room for the rest of the morning.

And yeah, two years later, right now those faded dreams are refreshed within seconds, as Cas slides home, and Dean is still relaxed and slack from the orgasm, still lost in the afterglow so he just moans softly at the almost forgotten, still so familiar feeling, and the rightness of it while Cas picks up the pace and fucks Dean hard, and Dean lets him do what he wants, relaxing his muscles allowing Cas to sink deeper and deeper and lets the happiness took over his heart by listening to Cas's desperate moans and growls, the barely audible plea of Dean's name being ripped out of his mouth, until he is coming, deep-deep inside of Dean and Dean biting his pillow hard, and shuts his eyes as Cas pulls out of him and accurately arranges his body next to Dean, wrapping him in an embrace Dean isn't sure he realized how much he craved for until now.

It might be worth waiting till the third date with having sex, but waiting two years to have the third date… Dean is completely sure, was the biggest waste of time ever.

* * *

**opinions?**


	17. Help!

Hi there my little pervs! I need some help from you, see details below :)))

So, this is not a real chapter, and will be removed after I got what I need! *wickedgrin*

The only thing I need are answers. Won't give you the questions though, JUST the answers you can choose from :)))

Leave your choices behind in a comment :))

1. yes or no  
2. yes or no  
3. a - b - c  
4. yes or no  
5. a - b- c - d  
6. yes or no  
7. a - b - c  
8. a - b - c  
9. yes or no  
10. yes or no  
11. a -b - c - d

sooo those are the answers I'd like as many of you as you may to chose. Please trust me, it'll be fun and a big-big help :))  
It's ok if you give me totally different answers :))  
So please-please-please help me! :))

Promise I'll clear up everything in the chapter for you little pervs :)))

Thanks, guys! :)))


	18. Happy Anniversary

**Sooo I know I promised that the previous not a real chapter will be removed, but I figured it's more fun like this, so I'm just going to post the new chapter (based on your voting which I am pretty grateful for).**

**I hope you'll enjoy it, and as I promised, at the end everything will be cleared up! :)))**

* * *

Cas is behaving quite suspiciously in the last few days and Dean just can't get any proper answer out of him. The guy looks more troubled than before the wedding, and it IS saying something, because before the ceremony Cas looked like he is going to combust, and used to watch Dean's every move with sharp, worried eyes as if asking him silently if they REALLY are going to go through the whole thing, or will Dean just disappear on him?

And in the last few days Cas is more edgy than Dean ever saw him. The long, lingering looks he casts in Dean's direction are a little disturbing, and with the staring habit the guy's born with, it is also a tell-tale sign, but every time Dean asks what's wrong, Cas frowns, shakes his head and returns to whatever he was doing before the whole staring.

It's the night before they anniversary, that Cas looks even more suspiciously worried, looking at a list, he was working on for the last 30 minutes with the biggest frown ever seen in Castory. And Cas has some history with frowns.

- Okay, Cas. WHAT? – Dean snaps a little bit more harsh, than he planned but the guy really drives him crazy for a few days now.  
Cas looks up and fixes Dean with a glare that makes Dean shut up.

- Dean, I need you to answer a few questions for me.

- What the… - another glare and Dean shrugs. – Shoot.

- The first one: Yes or No?  
- Cas… ermmm dunno how to put it…. But what's the question?

- None of your concerns. Just answer… - and he glares again, but it's different. Dean shudders and nods, with his lips suddenly dry as the Sahara.

- Yes or No?

- Errmmm… Yes? – Cas nods and marks the answer on the list in his lap.

- Next one, Yes or No?

- Cas… what… ?

- Dean!

- Okay, okay… geez! Annoying bastard… Yes, OK?

- Mhmmm… Next one. A, B or C?

- Wha… ok-ok… B I guess.

- Very well… Next one: Yes or No?

- No.

- A, B, C or D?

- D.

- Yes or No?

- No…?

- Hmmm, no sense…

- Huh?

- Nothing… Next one A, B, or C?

- C… no B.

- Hmmm, interesting… Yes or No?

- Caaaaas… OK, YES… thehell?

- Again, Yes or No?

- Pffff… Yes. – Dean can feel his temper rising, and grits his teeth.

- Last question, Dean. A, B, C or D?

- Thank GOD! Fuck Cas… Don't care… chose one, you know me so well don't you?

- As you wish. Thank you Dean.

With that, Cas stands up, grabs his note and disappears into their bedroom. Dean wants to explode, and shouts after the bastard.

- Care to fucking explain what's wrong with you, ASSHOLE?

Cas's head pops out and nods.

- In time, Dean. – with this, he disappears and Dean wants to KILL him fuck the whole anniversary thing.

But soon, true to his words Cas appears again and is standing in front of Dean, or to be more accurate, he is standing between the TV and Dean.

- Yeah, Cas?

- Go to the bedroom and get naked. – the voice is not Cas's real voice. It's the commanding, almost pro dom's voice Cas learned to became in the last two years, and Dean's well trained enough to obey without asking or hesitating. So Dean gulps and stands up without further words and all thoughts of being annoyed and killing the guy disappear from his head, along with EVERY other thought. The only thing remains is a huge neon-sign with sharp-red lights telling him: SEX-TIME.

So he goes to the bedroom and gets rid of his clothes in a record time, then looks around only to find a little note on the bed sheets. He picks it up, and upon reading he becomes hard in a matter of seconds.

'Blindfold yourself with my blue tie and stand in the middle of the room, naked. Don't move or make any sound.'

Game on! He thinks and does as it's said on the note, picking out Cas's blue tie – one of many, but he knows Cas referred to the tie Dean gave him as a birthday present, before they started dating – and blindfolds himself with it, standing in the middle of the room. He can't see or hear Cas approaching, but can feel the sudden, sharp pain on his buttock as Cas's palm connects with it. Dean gasps but otherwise stays motionless. He knows very well that he is not allowed to move on his own. He is waiting, body rigid to Cas's next move but nothing happens for a while, so he flinches when Cas starts to whisper from behind him.

- Keep in mind Dean, that YOU indeed chose today's game-rules. Well, except two of them, you've chosen two options at one point, and left the last one to me. So I don't want to hear ANY complaints about anything that happens tonight. Is that CLEAR, Dean? Yes or NO? – and there is smugness in his voice but Dean shivers and answers like some mindless sex-toy, which he is right now.

- Yes, SIR.

After that again nothing happens for a while so the next hit is also a surprise as he can't see anything and Cas can be fucking quiet, the little sneaky bastard. Dean lets out another gasp than holds his breath, steeling himself for Cas's unpredictable next move. Suddenly strong fingers are grabbing his hands, pulling them behind his back and tying them together by his wrists.

- Stay there, don't move! – after that Dean can hear the bedroom door being closed and curses inwardly but he's better trained than saying anything out loud. He stands there, where his Master left him and waits with as much patience as he can muster up in his aroused state. After some time – Dean feels like hours flew by – he starts to squirm a little and cries out when his thigh is being whipped, and this earns him another hit with the soft leather whip.

- I believe I told you not to move, slut.

- Yes, Sir!

- Are you sorry, SLUT?

- Yes, SIR.

- I believe you. Still, disobedience needs to be punished. Do you agree?

- Yes, Sir.

Dean is very aware of the fact, that he's been tricked. Cas's never left the room. Sneaky bastard – but then again, Dean loves it.  
The punishment comes with strong hits on his ass and thighs with the whip, and this time it's fast and Dean lost counting after the fifteenth or so. His cock is hard and his skin becomes more and more sensitive, and he can't hold back his desperate, little gasps. Then the whipping stops and Cas grabs his throbbing ass and starts to massage it, not too gently and Dean lets out a sob – mistake. Another strike, this time its Cas's palm and it stings but Dean bites down hard on his lips and endures. He can hear Cas's pleased hum and the massaging soon becomes a light caress and Dean exhales so he isn't prepared to the sensation of sharp teeth sinking into his shoulder while a lubed finger enters his hole with one quick thrust.

Dean arches back into Cas's body gasping and pleading with the only word he is allowed to say besides yes or no:

- Please… Please, Sir…

- Hm, what do you want, slut? Anything you don't like? Want me to stop?

- No, Sir.

- Then you want another finger inside?

- Yes, sir.

- Be careful, what you wish for… Yet you don't know ALL the rules you set up for yourself. Do you want to know?

- Yes, Sir.

- Very well. There are good news and bad news for you, Dean. I guess I can share a few of them with you. For example one of the good news is, that you are allowed to cum… However, the bad thing about is being the fact, that NOT today.

Dean's body freezes upon hearing that and whines while Cas's second finger joins the first one, massaging his prostate with short, forceful thrusts.

- Yes Dean. You are only allowed to come tomorrow. Not tonight. Are we clear?

- Y… yes, Sir!

- Good. Do you need a cock ring? Or can you hold back on your own? You may answer.

- N…no I th… think I can… No… no need… - he pants out with all the coherency he can find in his quickly shutting-down brain.

- As you wish. I'm very proud of you, slut! I might be reward you for this if you really can hold it back till tomorrow. You want me to reward you? You may answer again.

- D…do aaaaas you… as you wish… please, Sir.

- Very well.

The satisfaction in Cas's voice after hearing Dean's perfectly submissive answer melts Dean's heart. He pleased Cas. And this is the simple best thing about their games. At the beginning it merely served the purpose of relieving the stress Dean endured while working, but in the last couple of years it became something they both enjoyed – Dean got what he wanted, and he started to want more: please Cas, give himself to Cas, all OF himself, and Cas took it, and embraced it and gave Dean so much more in return… The dynamic of their relationship – marriage – shifted to a different angle, and the whole Dom/sub thing became more intimate more about giving and taking pleasure and trust each other more and more with each game.  
And right now as Cas's lips connecting gently to Dean's in a tender kiss, while never stopping to massage his prostate is one hell of a reward Dean didn't ask for, but takes it in with all of his being.

Sure it lasts only for a few seconds but it's enough. Cas is moving away, pulling out his fingers and snaps his next command.

- Close your legs!

Dean obeys and soon his ankles are bound together which makes it very hard to stay in the standing position, but Cas is right there, pulls Dean slightly towards his chest while finding Dean's still wet and slippery hole again and Dean's sure in need of the support because this time there are three fingers entering him and his cock is trapped between his stomach and Cas's denim clad hips.

- You may make some sounds tonight. Want to hear you beg and scream. Love your voice when you scream my name. You can scream for me so-so beautifully. Scream my name, tonight, slut!

Cas emphasizes his words with a particularly strong thrust of his fingers and Dean cries out, long and desperate Cas's name on his lips like broken prayers of a lost soul, but Dean is far from feeling lost – he might be lost in the sensations but above that he feels content and safe and found and home, so he cries out his husband's name again and again, sobbing and pleading shamelessly as he is nearing his orgasm but pulls himself together and concentrates on holding back until it hurts and hurts but God is that one kind of a good hurt. He feels strong, stronger with each passing minutes while he holds back and Cas is also helping him by stopping here and there for a few seconds but basically it's Dean doing. He is doing it for Cas. And he can do just about ANYTHING for Cas.

And then Cas is pulling him some more and Dean can feel his knees hitting the frame of the bed and he's being pushed down-down face first into the sheets bound and helpless but Cas is taking care of him, so it's alright.  
Cas pulls Dean up, until his face is buried into the pillow, forces him onto his knees, chest pressed into the sheets and Cas yanks slightly on Dean's bounded wrists, pulls his arms up and up until Dean's can feel the string and burn in his shoulders, then stops and fixes his wrists to the headboard.

It's something new and Dean welcomes the burning sensation, it actually hurts just enough for his liking but not enough to make him lost in it.

- I am going to fuck you in this position, slut. Do you want me to?

- Y…yes… - his voice breaks a little and the next second he is screaming, loud and kinda high pitched because Cas's fingers are inside of him again, lubing, stretching and scissoring – preparing Dean for his cock, because if there is one thing Cas still refuses to do is enter Dean without proper preparation.  
And Dean never felt more vulnerable, and it includes that one time Cas took him out for dinner with a remote-controlled butt plug shoved up his ass and kept playing with the remote control while forbidding Dean to move or squirm, then sent him to the bathroom to jerk himself off while Cas is finishing his dessert, which gave Dean less than ten minutes to succeed.

But right now, his arms pulled up from behind his back and fixed to the headboard, on his knees with his ankles bound together and blindfolded – he is exposed to so many sensations like never before. Cas never used so many effects on him at the same time before and it's very difficult to concentrate on the rule of not coming but he manages somehow. Dean loves the proud look on Cas's face after a night spent with games and Dean succeeded to obey every order and adhere the rules. And he wants to see that look in the morning on Cas's face so he grits his teeth and refuses to allow his body to release.

The next thing he knows – obviously he got so caught up in his determined concentration that he didn't notice the withdraw of fingers – is that Cas is pushing in, his cock hard and hot and Dean has to scream once more, because somehow it's too much right now, the pain in his shoulders, the blindfold and Cas fucking into him hard and fast, and for one second he considers to use the safe word but then decides against it and concentrates on Cas, his labored breathing, his growls and moans as he penetrates Dean, then he can feel the stuttering of Cas' hips as he loses his rhythm and then he's coming while still fucking into Dean.

Then Cas easies himself out of Dean and whispers in his ears:

- Clench your cheeks, slut. Don't let any of my cum out!

Dean obeys and has the kinda dreading feeling that they are far from over and Cas's next movement proves him right.  
Because the bastard implies the same fucking butt-plug inside him, he toyed with in the restaurant a few months ago, and has the fucking nerve to turn it on.

- I'm going to release you, Dean. Then we are going to take a shower together, and go to bed together and sleep. You might have noticed that I left out the part where you are allowed to remove the plug. Because you are not! It has to remain inside your ass the whole night. While we are sleeping. If you come in your sleep there will be punishment.

Dean whines and squirms and with one wrong movement he manages to pull his left shoulder which causes him to hiss out in pain. Cas moves so fast that Dean's brain can't even register it, and his wrists are released – Cas learned long ago from his "trainer" to always keep a scissor nearby if they do any bondage-game.

- Are you all right, Dean?

Cas is not a Master now and Dean wants him to be, so nods and smiles despite of the slight pain in his shoulder and the fucking plug vibrating in his ass.

- Yeah, no biggie, Cas. I swear.

- No safe-word?

- Nope. I think you are not finished with me yet.

Cas smiles at him, and releases his ankles and makes Dean spread out in front of him on his stomach and gives his shoulders a thorough massage. Another thing Cas became very good in. Giving massages – also the advice of that 'trainer' – after bondage, and Dean is grateful, like extra grateful, because Cas turns the plug off, however leaves it in place.

The shower also helps, and Cas kisses him in through it, and he holds Cas close, wants to disappear in his arms and wants to melt into one with him and realizes for the billionth time, that indeed he is falling more and more in love with his husband with each passing day.

Which is right now a big-big mystery to him, as of the WHY and the HOW of it. Because Cas is sound asleep beside Dean, an arm loosely wrapped around his waist and stupid black hair tickling his nose, while that fucking plug is vibrating and teasing Dean, successfully preventing him from getting any sleep. He is kinda grateful for having tomorrow and the day after off – and it hits him like a bag of bricks that this is WHY Cas choose tonight for his newest game. That FUCKER knew that Dean will have about as many strength left as you can find in some jelly in a plate, so he was planning and building up the whole thing – that's why the bastard seemed to be so off… He was planning a new game kinda out of his comfort zone – again - because it meant that neither of them will have any control of the outcome, but Cas is going to be the one who has to control the whole game after Dean 'decided' his own fate. And Cas while planning out new games is always a little edgy because he wants to be good for Dean and he is just not able to do things half-assed.

The more he thinks about it, the less Dean seems to care about the last rule – 'if you wake me up during the night, I am going to turn the plug to a higher level vibration and go back to sleep' – and wraps both his arms around the guy, squeezing him a little, while burying his nose into the dark mop of hair and whispers a quiet 'I love you Cas. So much.' into it.

And he is half certain, that Cas is awake, but the punishment never comes, he can feel Cas's arms wrapping around him more securely and his face pressing with a little bit more force into his neck.

The next morning – and day – is like living Hell, and Dean is no sure he is going to survive. While Cas fucks him lazily in the morning, he also informs Dean that is still not allowed to come as he might forgot to explain the meaning of "until tomorrow" last night. Which, apparently meant twenty-fucking-four hours!

While eating breakfast, Cas shows Dean the list and Dean's random answers and Dean curses under his breath upon seeing all the ideas Cas wrote down for this game. Because yeah, he just NEEDED to read about the option being gagged or fucked by some dildo, and he almost passes out of the thought getting a blowjob while not allowed to orgasm.

The game Dean "chose" to take part in is the following:

1. Tied up YES  
2. Orgasm delay YES  
3. Delay time-span: 1 day  
4. No toys  
5. Actual sex position: Doggy-style while tied up  
6. Gagged NO  
7. Gag type: no gag  
8. Mild whipping and spanking  
9. Blindfold YES  
10. Whole night butt-plug YES  
11. Tied up position while playing: standing – my choice

And the list Cas made goes like this:

1. Tied up? - yes or no  
2. Orgasm delay? – yes or no  
3. Delay time-span a. 2 horus – b. 1 day – c. 3 days  
4. Toys – yes or no  
5. Actual sex position – a. bent over-free – b. stomach -free – c. standing-bounded– d. doggy-style while tied up  
6. Gag – yes or no  
7. gag-type: a. gag – b. tie – c. duct tape  
8. a. getting a blowjob – b. spanking – c. mild whipping  
9. Blindfold– yes or no  
10. Insert butt plug while sleeping after sex - yes or no  
11. Tied up position while playing – a. standing –b. on the stomach – c. bent over – d. doggy-style

Dean is screwed. Like really-really thoroughly screwed. And Cas, that smug bastard HAS the fucking NERVE to smile at Dean over his coffee while Dean tries with everything he has NOT to die on the spot, and tells him:

- Happy Anniversary, Dean.

* * *

**sooooo, what do you think?**

**Cas is not the only one who can research the topic of Dom/sub sex, and the internet really is a precious database XD**

**hope you little pervs got everything in this chapter you wanted, and there is also fluff so I hope the fluff-fans are also satisfied :))))**


	19. Realizations

**Well HELLO my dear readers!**

**New chapter is up for you, and yeah... fluuuuuuuffffffff... after some very-very mild angst :))) it's so mild, that it's not even angst. Just an 'ang' or an 'a' XD XD**

* * *

Dean rushes through the automatic door of the ER cursing loudly when Gabriel accidentally steps on his heel making both of them trip a little, but nothing else is said they reach the information desk at the same time and speak at the same time.

- Castiel Winchester…

- Castiel Novak…

They glare at each other, and Dean notices the nurse's lip twitching into an amused smirk, as does Gabriel, so now both men are glaring at her, but the nurse – Kathy – seems pretty unmoved by it.

- So, gentlemen, who are you here for again?

Dean takes a deep breath, kicks Gabe's shin - who repays the sentiment by stepping hard on Dean's foot - and answers.

- Castiel Winchester.

- And you are? Family?

- Husband.

- I see. He's in room 301.

-Thank you… - they both start to leave, but the nurse holds them back.

- And who are YOU? – and she glares now at Gabriel, who get's ruffled like some angry bird, and snaps back.

- The BIG brother!

- Thank you gentlemen. I'm going to need some ID's however…

Dean smacks his forehead and Gabe lets out a growl. Both of them are very familiar with the rules in the hospital – thanks to that IDIOT who's just clumsy as hell – but they like to conveniently forget about them. But they are lucky, as a familiar read-head appears and greets the nurse with a small smile.

- Thank you Kathy, they are with me. Family.

The nurse nods and dismisses them with a smile.

- Ok, Anna… What happened this time?

Anna looks at Dean, and shrugs.

- Slipped on some leaves while hiking up in the woods on the job and ended up rolling down on the hill side. Nothing too bad he'll be up and running in a week or two. Slightly sprained ankle, dislocated shoulder and scratches on that stupid face of his.

Dean sighs and follows Anna with a frown on his face and can't help but remember at the time he was rushing in this very same hospital because of the very same idiot. Who tends to have smaller accidents while climbing in a forest or a desert or just anywhere he goes. However the accident Dean recalls was a little bit more serious, Cas having a pretty bad concussion, and yeah that day pretty much changed Dean's life.

Because realizing – and inwardly admitting – that you have the biggest crush in the history of crushes on your friend is one thing. But realizing and being faced with the very new information about one British bastard being in a relationship with your crush is an entirely different thing.

It happened quite a few years ago, but the memories are still stinging. Sam's call made Dean's gut clench painfully that day, because the frantic voice of his little brother told him, that Cas was in an accident and is in a hospital, but at the time that was all they knew, so they rushed into the hospital, only to run into Anna, who smiled at them a little tired, but relieved.

- He is going to be fine. He's asleep now, but Balthazar is with him.

Dean opened his mouth as to ask, who the hell Balthazar is, but shut it closed at the pitying look in Sam's eyes. So he just followed Anna with a clenched jaw and yeah, as they reached the room, Dean could see the exact thing he was so afraid of. A tall blond guy sitting next to Cas's bed – who was actually VERY awake – caressing his face and grabbing his hand, holding to it like some drowning guy clinging to his last bench.

Dean almost turned around and left, but the way Cas's eyes lit up upon seeing the Winchester brothers made him step in and sending a big grin to his direction, while nodding at the blonde, presumably Balthazar.

- Hey, dork! You hangin' there?

- Dean! – Sam's bitch-voice sounded pretty much disapprovingly near to his ear, but he just shrugged and continued.

- Really, Cas? How did you manage to do this? You are such a clumsy dork, dude…

To everyone's surprise Cas started to laugh and Balthazar glared at Dean.

- Listen you asshole, Cas needs REST not some jackass teasing him with inappropriate comments.

The British accent in his voice made every hair on Dean's body stand but he ignored the guy and turned back to Cas with a raised eyebrow, as in a question 'really, Cas? This guy?'.

Cas looked a little sheepish but smiled a little and tried to remove his captured hand from the grip.

- Dean, thank God, you're here! Please tell those idiots to LEAVE my room!

- Cassie…! – Anna's and Balthazar's voice rang at the same time with some added horror.

- Don't Cassie me! Both of you, GET OUT! Now! Or I'm going to call the security. You are so annoying with this babying thing, that I don't even know where to start to describe it…

- Cas, maybe you should listen to your… - Cas threw a glare to Sam's direction, which succeeded to shut the giant up.

- The three of you! GET OUT!

- Three…?

- Sam, you too! GET OUT now or I swear to God…

Balthazar and Anna huffed seemingly very annoyed but left the room, Balthazar glaring at Dean, which made Dean to grin in return – yep that asshole just got what he deserved. Sam seemed to be reluctant to move so Dean helped him with a not to gentle shove and closed the door behind him, then took a moment to collect himself before turning back to Cas – Cas, who he just lost at the same moment he realized had a crush on. Well done, Winchester.

But he had to pull himself together, because right now it's not about Dean, it's about Cas, who is lying in a fucking hospital bed after an accident – the biggest wakeup call ever in Dean's life – so he turned around and smiled his most charming grin which Cas returned.

- Thank you Dean. I knew you'd be able to handle it… I mean Anna and Balth are very nice and caring but also overbearing.

Dean bit into his lip painfully and tried to convince himself, that Cas didn't meant it like the way he interpreted, as though Dean just wouldn't give a hit, but thankfully Cas continued.

- I'm sorry to made you worry Dean, I really am. I know I've given you a big fright…

- Cut that crap, Cas. You're ok. That's what matters.

Cas beamed at him, and nodded.

- You are right. It's not like I'm about to die.

The word dying made Dean's stomach twist again, and before he knew what he was about to do, he found himself clinging desperately to Cas, whose eyes widened, but returned the embrace, and Dean buried his face into Cas's neck.

- Yeah, you're OK you clumsy ass! But pull a shit like this again, and I'm letting you rot here alone with all those pussies to fret over you, you get it?

Cas let out a small laugh and Dean pulled away reluctantly as another realization hit him with a ton. It was the first time since they had that one night stand, that Dean held Cas in a real embrace. And that he missed it like hell.

Dean suppresses the urrge to scream and run and scream some more. No. No no no no no! Not happening! Cas has that asshole of a Brit now and Dean is just a big zero who just would ruin Cas's life so it's maybe better that Cas found somebody he can love and relay on.

- Yeah, and Cas… Really? Balth?

- Shut up Dean…!

- No, Cas. Really? Who is this guy?

- An ex-psych major from my college. He is an associate professor now and we ran into each other when I went to the college library a month ago. He asked me out – we had a fling way back but at the time that was it – and I said yes. So now I guess, we are dating. Kinda.

Dean's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

- Kinda? Dude, that guy is so in love with you… - right after he said it, he just wanted to smack himself on the head, because really? Way to go, Winchester – again. And the small, almost sad smile on Cas's face just made him to want to smack himself more harder.

- Yes, you are probably right Dean. And he is a good person. Although a bit too mother-hen but still. He is really good to me, Dean. Can you understand it?

Dean gulped hard and stared right back at Cas's almost teary, hopeful eyes then nodded. Cas smiled a little, again a bit sad, but smiled nonetheless at Dean and whispered a half-broken 'thank you'.

After that everything went to hell for Dean. At first he wanted to retreat from Cas's life, because he dragged Balthazar along every fucking time, but found out pretty soon he just can't do it. Cas was family. He mattered so fucking much that Dean had to man up and take the situation with some bitter pride. At least he admitted that it was his own fault and managed to convince himself that his crush is just some short lived shit caused by the shock of the accident, and the fact that he isn't gotten laid in like two months.

So Dean threw himself back into his old lifestyle, hitting on everything that moved and again tried to convince himself, that he is OK. More than ok. And that it didn't hurt to see Sam and Cas moving forward with their lives – professional and private – leaving Dean behind.

So it is quite understandable that upon entering his stupid husband's hospital room, after re-calling those memories Dean isn't in the best of moods.  
And true to Anna's words, he seems to be just perfectly fine, except from a few scratches on his face, a tied up left arm, and a bandaged left ankle. So Dean does exactly the opposite what every normal person would do after seeing the love of their life in a hospital bed – he snaps.

- What kind of a shit did you managed to pull again, asshole?

Everyone in the room, including the nurse who is checking the bandage on Cas's foot, freezes. Well, everyone except Cas, who just proves again, that he is the love of Dean's life for a good reason, and retorts immediately.

- Nurse, I don't know this guy. Please call security!

- What do you mean you don't know me, you bastard! Nurse, I'm that fuckers husband. No need for security. Everybody just leave the room I need to have a few words with my idiot of a husband!

- Dean Winchester, you are going to regret this! – Cas shouts as soon as Anna, Gabriel and a very confused nurse leave the room in a hurry.

- Yeah? Made me!

Cas is glaring, and Dean cringes a little, because he knows that glare. The next sentence will hurt. Physically. And he is right.

- Let's see if you'll get laid in the next month, Winchester.

- You wouldn't, you little shit!

- Ohhoohhhoo, TRY ME, ASSBUTT! Now leave my room Winchester.

- You'd like that, wouldn't you… You stupid son of a bitch! What do you think, how I felt when I got the call from Anna… And speaking of… WHY would you call ANNA before calling me?

- Dean. You are WORKING. I am not going to disturb you while you have LIVES to take care of. And yes, I CAN relate to how you felt. Remember your little accident after our honeymoon? Or the one…

- Okay I get it! Geez! – Dean huffs but he is smiling already. Stress and angst taken care of, he realizes again, how lucky he is with Cas. Cas, who is smiling back, wide and fucking lit up like some birthday cake and Dean knows, they both know what the whole banter was about. And Cas – again – played along. Dean lets out a quiet huff and adds: - Stupid ass!

Cas's smile only widens and he retorts:

- Love you too honey-bug!

After they stop staring and grinning at each other like the cheesy-in-love teenagers they probably are, Dean sits down on Cas's bed, and starts to play with Cas's fingers on his free hand.

- Glad you okay though. But still, Cas. I want you to call ME first if something like this happens again. I hope it won't, but yeah. I'd prefer if you'd call me instead of Anna.

- Dean…

- No, shut up. Cas please. Call me, ok? When something like this happens, I worry. But if I were to hear your voice, assuring me that you are fine, I think I could manage a bit better. At least won't throw up three times on the my way to the hospital. And yeah, Anna told me on the phone that you are okay, but still. I need to hear your voice, just to make sure…

Cas eyes him suspiciously then asks:

- Who the hell are you, and what have you done to my husband?

- Asshole!

- My God! That's really you? Dean Winchester. Are you secretly a girl? I knew it. I married a girl!

And Dean really wants to hit the bastard for that, but he knows what's the whole thing is about, so he refrains. It looks like Dean's not the only one well trained in their marriage. But while Dean is a well trained slut for Cas in bed, Cas is well trained on the whole 'no chick-flick moments' by Dean. And Dean realizes, that he hates it. Because as soon as Dean starts to getting into some 'chick-flick moment' Cas dodges it and the whole thing turns into some lazy-snickering banter.

But Dean doesn't want it anymore. He wants to be the person who Cas can listen to. Not that he doesn't listen, because Cas, creepy as it is, doesn't need any actual words from Dean, and he listens to the meaning behind Dean's acting or occasional ranting. But after being together for eight years – married over two – and knowing each other for over a decade, Dean realizes – again, what's with this whole thing about realizations hitting him in hospital rooms? – that he wants it to change.

So he just looks Cas in the eyes and shakes his head.

- Don't.

And this one word seems to be enough. Cas's eyes widen – and Dean feels a bit better, because apparently he's not the only one with hospitals and realizations – as the meaning of that one word hits home in his brain.

He looks at Dean with awe in his eyes and asks in a serious, low voice:

- Dean Winchester… Could it be that you are growing up?

Dean just smiles and nods.

- Yeah. I think so.

* * *

**btw...**

**you up for another game? **  
**gonna set the rules / survey soon (probably tomorrow) and post it at the end notes of tomorrow's chapter :))) of course if you are up for it :))**


	20. Till Death do Us Part

**Okay, so I got some requests to write about the wedding, and I agreed to it.**  
**You can't tell me, that I'm not true to my words :))**

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This whole wedding-thing is making Castiel going crazy. During the last two weeks he felt constantly on edge, tiptoeing around Dean – as not to spook him or scare him away – until Dean snapped and told to Cas, that he either pulls his shit together, or they are going to spend the remaining two weeks before the wedding separated, because Dean is more likely to take Sam's girly squeals as watching Cas turning into a freaking bride.

That night Cas fucked Dean's brains out, like three times (woke him up two times by sucking him off and then fucked him), just to prove that little bitch of a firefighter, who exactly the BRIDE is in this relationship.

And the next day while Dean left for work in the afternoon Cas took another revenge, and called the saloon where their tuxes were ordered, and excused himself many times for the change of plans so late but Dean decided he wants a white tux. He actually managed to convince the shop owner by promising twice the money what the tux actually did cost.

With all of that done and over, Cas packed his backpack and left for a 2 days job next town over to take photos about some crazy insect-collector's collection for an article in some crazy magazine.

Just the day before the wedding the tuxes arrived, and Cas watched Dean with hawk-like eyes as the unsuspecting poor bastard took his tux out of its bag, then ran for the door while laughing his ass off, Dean hot on his heels and shouting nice treats after him, about Cas not making it to the wedding night, and Dean is going to leave for the honeymoon alone.

With that, most of the tension left Cas's chest but he couldn't help but wonder if Dean is going to run away or not.

At the wedding day Cas just wanted to puke all over the place, and Sam actually had to go and take Dean to him, just to prove, that everything is fine.

Which turned out to be a very bad idea, because Dean looked just too sexy and too edible for his own good in the white tux, and Cas just wanted to fuck his brains out- again.

Dean just looked at Cas's slightly green face and worried eyes, and the next second he pulled Cas to his chest and kissed him for dear life.

After they parted, Sam and Cas eyed Dean suspiciously then Sam blurted out:

- Dean, you ok, dude?

- Why wouldn't be?

Cas's stomach flipped. Why was Dean so freaking calm? And why is Cas so freaked out? It should be the other way around.

Dean freaking out and Cas calming him down. Because Cas is not the one in the relationship, who is like the number one anti-marriage advocate of the whole united States.

So yeah, everybody with the slightest common sense would expect Dean to freak out to the point, that Sam or John have to restrain him, to prevent his escape.

Cas takes a step back and shakes his head, dismissing the brothers from his changing-room. He needs to calm the fuck down. Like right now as they have not even ten minutes left until the whole ceremony starts and Cas doesn't fancy to look like some high out of his mind hippy because of the adrenalin-rush in his veins.

Dean looks at him one more time with a slightly worried look, but then leaves the room and Sam follows him like some guardian dog, watching his older brother's every move. Cas can hear his soon-to-be husband snapping at his brother to get lost or else, but then the door closes and all the voices are shut off.

Cas lets out a sigh after he is alone again, and tries to compose himself. Ok, so Dean is calm, so Cas should be also calm. But is Dean's calm real, or just something like before the storm?

Cas smacks his own head, and decides that he is being stupid. If Dean wants to flee, he is going to flee and there is nothing Cas could do about it. But right now Dean looks ok, composed, calm, and even happy.

So Castiel is going to take that as the good sign it probably is and calm down. He is going to smile, because hell he is just too happy – and that's what makes him freak out, because everything is just too good for take in.

The ceremony is a blur, Cas isn't able to listen to it fully and answers almost robotically and as the questions are turned to Dean he finds himself slightly ill and has to gulp a few times to calm down again.

And when the time for Dean's answer arrives, Cas looks up at his almost-husband not even knowing what to expect, but what he can see there is sure not one of them.

Because Dean is grinning at him, mischievously then opens his mouth and answers the question if he wants Castiel to be his husband:

- HELLS YEAH!

Sam face palms behind his brother, and Gabriel is snickering behind Cas. The whole room gapes and the woman holding the ceremony buries her face in the book she is holding.

For one second Cas looks at Dean, his goofy, self-satisfied smile, then bursts out laughing, and he can feel all the tension gone from his system. He laughs freely and happy, and still a bit disbelievingly because really? Only Dean Winchester.

Dean's hissed 'owww' makes him look up again, and he can see his HUSBAND rubbing the back of his head, where Sam probably smacked him none too gently for his cockiness. But Sam is also smiling, and everybody in the room is grinning even John and Mary – who are sitting as far away from each other as possible – though the smile on Mary's lips are a bit strained, and she kinda looks embarrassed for his son's sake.

But Cas is just too happy to care and looks back at Dean, who suddenly looks very serious and repeats his words while looking into Cas's eyes, more firm this time, which makes Cas melt into a puddle on the floor.

- Yes, I DO!

Later, in their hotel-room Dean hugs him so tight, that Cas thinks he is going to suffocate but just doesn't care.

- You know why I remained so calm? – Dean's voice is barely audible, but Cas can hear him and nods, with his face pressed tight against Dean's chest.

- Because of you. Because I needed to prove you I wanted this. I made you this insecure with my comments about despising marriage for years, so I wanted to make it up for you…

Suddenly Cas makes up his mind about something, he wanted to ask for so long, but never had the courage before.

- Dean?

- Hmmm?

- Would you… I mean, you don't have to… I'd perfectly understand, as you know… we usually…

- Cas! Just spit it out!

Cas looks up at his husband, and asks on a timid voice, because he suspects that what he is about to ask might be a bit out of Dean's comfort zone, and it's the same for him, but he wanted it for a while now:

- Would you please fuck me tonight?

* * *

**Sooo, as I promised, here is the new game, but before another option for voting:**  
**- Do you want me to write a chapter about Cas bottoming for Dean for the first time?**  
**- If yes, Dean or Cas POV?**

**And now the game :))**

**There are three main parts of it, every one of them is going to happen, your votes are going to effect the outcome in more than just one way :)))**

**example: 1. A/c, 1. B /a, 1. A / a (as you like)**

**Game 1.**  
**A - B - C**  
**outcome:**  
**a - b - c**

**Game 2.**  
**A- B - C**  
**outcome:**  
**a - b - c**

**Game 3.**  
**A - B - C**  
**outcome:**  
**a - b - c**  
**bonus outcome only for C**  
**1 - 2**

**And with this, the game is ON! :)))**


	21. Sweet Wedding Night

**Seriously, THIS chapter is one of the biggest pain in my *** because it went so rouge that I can't even believe it myself. **  
**This is NOT the game chapter!**

**So the survey is still ongoing, and will stay open until Sunday, because tomorrow in the morning (it's already 1 am here, Saturday) I'm going to leave town, and won't have internet for two days. **  
**After returning on Sunday I'm going two write the game-chapter and the next part for this one. Will try to upload both of them ASAP.**

**And I also have to apologize as I forgot to make it clear in the prev chapter, that at the time Cas asks Dean to topping for him, happens while they are lying on the bed. Going to correct it soon!**

**But for now? Bedtime :)**

* * *

'Would you please fuck me tonight?'

As soon as the question leaves his mouth, Cas regrets it. But it's too late, and the game is on. Dean's expression turns into disbelief, then into some unreadable mask and his eyes are kinda empty of all emotions.

- Dean?

There is no answer, and Cas starts to panic. He has to make it right, it was – now he knows what he already suspected and feared – a big mistake. So he does the only thing he can come up with- he apologizes.

- Dean, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, it was very-very selfish to ask that from you and please just forget about it, ok?

Dean is avoiding Cas's eyes very carefully, and nods.

- Yeah…

Then he turns around and now his back is facing Cas, and he can feel some bitter fear creep up inside of him. Dean turned his back to him. Right after their wedding. On their wedding night. His husband despises Cas so much, that he can't even look at him.

With one last desperate try he puts his hand on Dean's – his husband – shoulder, and Dean tenses up immediately so Cas withdraws his hand, feeling defeated and empty.  
Yes, they had their fair share of fights before, in the last almost six years they spent together. But those were fights. With one, or both of them shouting, but this? Dean never turned his back to Cas, not until now. And it hurts. Fucking hurts.

Cas feels like he can't breathe anymore, and he suddenly needs to move away. He needs to get out, and he needs to be away. He can feel the tears prickling the corner of his eyes, and doesn't even care to hold them back.

He is up and out of the bed in a second, only pausing to look back at Dean from the door that connects the bedroom-area of their suit with the living room, and Dean is looking up at him, with that carefully empty eyes. Their eyes lock for a second, and something changes in those hazel eyes, but Cas just can't look at Dean right now so he flees.

No, he can't look at Dean. Dean rejected him and not just the sex-part- it would have been ok with Cas, but Dean rejected Cas himself. His being.  
And that hurts like hell, so he is grabbing the first bottle he can find in the mini bar, which happens to be whisky.  
He drowns the bottle in no time, and reaches for another- this time it is vodka.  
After the third mini-bottle, the room shifts slightly and Cas has to fight the urge to throw up.

With an angry movement he wipes the tears off his face, and suddenly he finds the whole situation freaking funny.  
Yeah, Cas Novak is a big-time screw up. And Dean thinks, that HE is a screw up, but all of this shit is on Cas.  
Cas, who knew that Dean never tops. Okay Dean never told the reason for it, but it never really came up in conversations before.  
A few times Cas masturbated in front of Dean, with fingering himself open for him, but at the end, it was always Dean getting fucked. And as usual, they never talked about it.  
So Cas screwed up. He should have known better. Everything they did in the bed until now screamed at him, that Dean is very reluctant to top.  
So considering the whole situation, it's freaking hilarious that Dean thinks of himself as a "screw-up" because in reality? Cas IS. Not Dean.

At the thought Cas starts laughing, it might be a little hysterical, but he just can't stop.  
When he looks up, Dean is standing in front of him, with unreadable eyes, looking at him. Cas grins at his HUSBAND and blurts out:

- Isn't it funny, Dean? You don't have to be so serious, really. Considering the situation I would say, you can forget about this stupid theory of yours that you are just a big fuck up. Because let's face the truth, I AM a fuck up.

He stops for a second to regard Dean in front of him, and isn't exactly surprised to find him fully clothed, and it makes him giggle. Fucking giggle.

- Yeah, I figured. You are leaving, go ahead. Don't mind me, please. I mean why would you? I finally got to marry you and on the same day I actually managed to make you to leave. This is one hell of a record, don't you think?

- Cas… - Dean's voice is broken, but Cas just can't seem to stop with his rambling.

- Go on, leave me Dean! – he laughs again, but this time the tears are flowing again, and he lets out a slightly drunken hiccup.

The next moment he finds his arms full of Dean, who is whispering desperately.

- I'm sorry, I am so sorry Cas. You…you did nothing wrong, please believe me. Please Cas, please.

As if the words didn't even register in his mind, Cas goes on:

- You rejected me, Dean. Me. Fucking ME! You rejected me… on the wedding night, because I fucked up… and you rejected me. And now you are leaving.

- Cas! – the anger in Dean's voice brings him back to reality and he actually looks at Dean, who is caressing his face with smoothing motions.

- Cas, please listen to me! You did NOTHING wrong, ok? And I'm not leaving. At least I'm not leaving you, so get this shit out of your head, ok? I HAVE to leave, Jo called me. They need everybody, because there is a big fire in the warehouse district. But Cas, I'm not leaving YOU, ok? And I did NOT reject YOU. Understood?

- Yes. – but even to himself, that 'yes' is strained and forced and he is quite sure that Dean also picked upon it, but as it is, there is no time to discuss the matter any further, because Dean has to leave. Fan-fucking-tastic. But he nods again, and whispers: - You have to go. I'll be here.

- Promise? – Dean's voice is desperate so Cas repeats the statement.

- I'll be here. – as if he would be able to leave. No, the coward he apparently is, could never leave Dean. Of course if Dean wanted to leave him, like really wanted to leave him, because Cas can't make Dean happy anymore, Cas would let Dean leave. But him leaving Dean? Not happening. – I'll be here, I promise.

Dean nods, kisses him gently on the mouth then gets up – he seems to be very reluctant – and makes his way to the door.  
And Cas needs Dean to be focused, on his job, to be as safe as one can be while fighting against fire, so he adds.

- I love you Dean. Just be safe and come back?

Dean turns his head back, smiles a little and nods.

- You know I will…

* * *

Dean never felt more reluctant to leave Cas behind than tonight. What a fucking mess he created again.  
No, actually 'mess' doesn't even begin to cover what he'd done. To Cas. Holy shit, he actually broke Cas's heart. He acted like the biggest asshole in the whole Universe. He'd made Cas think, that Dean would leave him. As if ever…

But right now he can't do shit to make it right, because he needs to concentrate on the fire, he needs to be HERE with his full mind, if he wants to go back to Cas in one piece. He HAS to. Dean finds himself murmuring a soft prayer as he enters the warehouse. He can NOT die or get injured tonight. Yeah, Dean might die once, horribly in a fire, but not fucking tonight, because he HAS to go back to Cas and set things right.

So he pushes the whole shit in the back of his mind, and concentrates on the job in front of him.

Five fucking hours later Dean enters their Suite, only to find Cas fast asleep on the couch, with six empty bottles from the mini-bar covering the coffee table in front of the couch.

As much as he wants to run up to his husband – he still can't wrap his mind around how lucky he is and how he even deserved it – and hug the living daylight out of him, he needs a shower first, because he smells like kerosene and sweat… He was so much in a rush to get back, that he couldn't care less about taking a shower. Of course those SOBs at the station wolf-whistled and called a few obscenities after him, but Dean also couldn't care less he just drove back like his ass was on fire. Cas. He needed to see Cas.

After he deems himself clean enough, he goes back to the living room with the purpose of waking up Cas and taking him back to their bed, but his dear husband seems to be one step ahead of him, as he is awake, and right now is blinking owlishly at Dean, and smiles a little- until the realization of last night hits him. Dean can see the exact moment, because those usually so full of life blue eyes turn empty, and the smile disappears.

- Huh… you really came back…

And that just fucking hurts, but yeah. Dean's the bigger man here, he has to be. Because being completely honest with himself? The look on Cas's face, his hollow eyes as he looked back for a second at Dean from the bedroom-door? It was devastating. And Dean never-fucking-ever wants to see Cas looking like this. Except, he looks exact the same right now. And on his way back, Dean swore to himself, that he'll make it right. Even, if it takes his whole remaining life, he is going to make it up to Cas.

So he doesn't bother with any answer, he strides to the couch, grabs Cas's hand and yanks him into a standing position and before the guy can open his mouth to let out more of the stupid shit that got struck in his head, Dean kisses him. And the most simply beautiful thing of the world happens- Cas kisses him back while clinging into Dean desperately.

Not too much later, Dean is lying face down on the couch, and Cas is pounding into him feverishly while covering Dean's whole body with his own, kissing and biting his neck and shoulders, desperate endearments pouring from his mouth.

Dean kinda wishes they'd be face to face but Cas insisted they make it on the couch from behind. It made Dean's heart clench because he had the feeling, that Cas is still not able to look Dean in the eye, but somehow he can understand it perfectly.

The fear in Cas's eyes when they broke that kiss made it even more clear to Dean, how much he messed up this time. And is even a bigger mystery to him now as of why in the hell Cas still loves him. The almost reluctant, full with concern, asking for permission touches very fucking nearly killed Dean. But he just decided to put all of these feelings aside for now, at least the parts included him and just concentrated on Cas and was very eager to show him, how much Dean needed him.

Sure it didn't took long and Cas found his old-self – well, kinda. He just decided to not to look at Dean's face. But Dean took what he could get and played along. He had this very appalling feeling that he has a long way to go before everything will be the same between them as it was before. But how to achieve it, Dean had no idea. But that might had to do something with the fact, that Cas was about to fuck his lights out.

Lying on their bed – finally – with Cas warm and asleep in his arms – best thing ever – the until now so successfully repressed thoughts and feelings are scratching the surface of his mind, and the more he thinks about it, the more sure he becomes, that he just needs to tell Cas. Like everything. Things, he never told anybody about. Things, he refused to think about for almost 15 years now.

Yeah, he 'just' needs to tell Cas. Well, FUCK.

* * *

**Soooo sorry for the angst, I REALLY wanted to write a bottom!Cas chapter - it IS going to happen, probably in the continuation of this one - and that is how it turned out.**

**The first Chapter with two POVs. WOW :)))**

**Thanks for putting up with my sh*t! :))**


	22. Our Bloody HoneyMoon

**Hi There!**

**sorry for the delay, got sick during the weekend and after that got lazy, spiced with some writers-block. Not nice.**  
**But, back with the first part of the honeymoon-chapter, hope you'll like it.**

**At first it didn't work somehow but then I found their voices again, and actually enjoyed writing it! :)))**

* * *

Dean can't decide if he is amazed, or irritated by his newlywed husband. The guy has been a bit itchy for like two days after their very memorable very nearly catastrophic wedding night, but since then everything is just the same as before.

And right now, it is the fifth day of their honeymoon – leave it to Cas to find one of the least bit romantic places of the world; a freaking FARM. An actual animal farm. With horses and cows and all that jazz. With paid riding lessons. In western-style. In Texas. During SUMMER. That NERD!

So Dean rises with the sun – or before the sun and he is going to shoot that fucking rooster – and is asleep by fucking eight a.m. as he is dead tired by sunset already. Dean misses Baby like hell. And the city-life. But keeps his mouth shut and smiles. Cas told Dean without leaving any place for an argument, that they are NOT taking the Impala for the honeymoon and Dean, who is still kind of atoning – deep in his heart – just nodded along with gritted teeth and didn't complain.

Maybe Dean could enjoy this honeymoon a bit more if he could gather some balls and just tell Cas why things went so big time downhill on that night, but yeah. Welcome in the mess of Dean Winchester.

So he is just looking at Cas with some irritated awe as his husband gears up "his" horse – Midnight -, and seems to be buzzing with energy. Eyes all sparkly, smiles all gum. Relaxed and happy.

Dean should be also happy. At the time they discussed the honeymoon, and Cas brought up the farm-thing Dean grinned and said yes, because he knew how much Cas wanted to learn riding and spend time in a farm. Also, Dean found riding kinda hot and the picture of Cas on a horse's back was just too sweet to deny it from becoming true.

But right now Dean is everything but happy. Of course he is enjoying the sight of Cas riding that big ass animal – who seems to be in love with Cas, if the excited whinnying which the horse greats Cas with every morning is anything to go by. But Dean suspects that this is also thanks to the apple Cas has in his pocket every morning they go to the barn. And of course Cas gets the young and energetic horse with so much energy that a freaking nuclear reactor is nothing in comparison, and Dean gets this poker-faced resigned old geezer – Grace - who only has feelings for her own stomach, which means she randomly stops during their small trips around the farm to take a bite from the vegetation, which of course causes Dean's arms to get torn out from the shoulder. Bitch. And of course she accepts the apple Dean brings her every morning but she is not even looking up at Dean while eating. So yeah, Dean is also kinda jealous upon seeing Cas and his cuddly sweetheart of a horse.

Yeah. Peachy. Today's little trip is going to be fun. For Cas, and the two horses. Dean is secretly pretty sure, that the horses and his traitor of a husband are laughing about him suffering. Not that Dean didn't deserve it, but figures that Cas just has two tons of useless meat on his side while humiliating Dean.

And again. Zoning out in the old geezers company is still NOT a good idea. Because she bites. Apple gone, now she looks up – of course – and searches Dean's face – ear – for another bite. By biting him. Dean yelps and jumps back, then glares at Cas who is not so discretely choking on laughter. Not that glares from Dean are intimidating Cas. Thinking about it, they never did. So Dean frowns up at his menace of a horse and mutters:

- Ok, sausage, let's go. And we are going to talk about this. Again. Rules, bitch… Rules.

Dean pretends to miss the fond look Cas shots him after his little speech – Cas might have mentioned how much he loves that Dean is talking to animals like they were human, because Cas believes that animals have souls and personality more interesting than any human – and hides his blush behind the gigantic tower of muscles which happens to be Grace's neck. The horse nips Dean's shoulder and yep that's pretty much all the tenderness he gets from the beast.

He leads Grace out of the barn, Cas following with Midnight (the name actually fits the horse as she is a beautiful black half-breed, and happens to be the daughter of Grace, also beautiful but a chestnut with a white star on her forehead – the only resemblance between her and Midnight.

As they slowly start to trot Dean recalls their first day. The owner gave them a tour, and then left them with one of the trainers – a sassy, not even 5.5' girl, Cora – who turned out to be a slave-driver. She made them clean 3 horses each, then explained how to put up all the shit – saddle, rains and all – on the horse, and after some lunch-break the real training started. It went on and on for two days, with small trips and exercises in the pen.  
And since day four – yesterday – Cora won't even acknowledge them, as they take care of their horses and go on some tours on the countryside or while Cas is practicing in the pen. Dean is much lazier and enjoys the sight of Cas in ripped jeans and t-shirt, or just zones out and thinks about 'that night'. Over and over again.

He knows pretty well why he froze up like that but has yet to tell Cas. Maybe today.

Cas suggested yesterday, after fucking Dean so hard and long, that his screams were probably heard in the main house – like half a mile away from their cottage – that they go on a little field-trip tomorrow. Of course only walk-and-trot kinda trip because Dean refused to practice any gallop – it's not Cas's ass which gets fucked like every night, thank you very much (and whose fault is that?!).

As they are nearing some clearing Dean suddenly takes a deep breath and blurts out:

- We need to talk.

Cas lets out a sigh and replies:

- FINALLY!

- Huh?

- Dean, I've been waiting for you to approach me since 'that night'. You think you could fool me? You can grin and sass as much as you want, but I'll see right through it.

Freaking psychic, that's what Cas is.

- And I was hoping you'd approach the object but I have to tell you this Dean. I was about to shoot you. In the groin. Your fake-smiles attempting to hide your moping made me almost CRAZY! Dean, I want you, I want US to enjoy our HONEYMOON! So talk to me!

Dean nods, somewhat weakly and suggests they stop for a while. The horses can graze and they can talk.  
Cas steers Midnight in the direction of a tree at the edge of the clearing, hopes down, fixes the head-stall to a bench and sits down.  
Dean takes his sweet-ass time of course. Now he is not so sure, he wants to talk, but just one glance at Cas persuades him not to test his husbands patience if he wants to keep his crown-jewels.

He sits down next to Cas with a thud and starts to tear the grass-blades. After a half minute or so Cas slaps him on the back of his head.

Dean lets out a his, which suspiciously sounds like 'dumbass' but sighs and starts talking.

- Okay, so it happened after graduation. I went out with a few guys to celebrate that we are free at least, right? Fake ID's and everything. We found a bar nice enough and just hit it. We got pretty drunk and there was this guy buying us beer. And yeah… - Dean stops and looks at Cas who is listening to his every word, concentrating with his whole being on Dean.

Dean clears his throat and continues. He can do it. Because it's Cas, for God's sake. The guy married Dean despite knowing him so well. If Cas still loves him after all the shit Dean pulled during the years, there might be a chance that he won't turn his back to him after listening to this story.

- So… this guy was buying us drinks, right? And the next thing I know, that I'm fucking one of my buddies in the men's room. And it was pretty awesome. The guy also seemed to enjoy himself, and dude he had a mouth on him. But that's not important, I guess. The next morning we woke up in some alley behind the bar, and after the memories came back, the guy started to shout at me, and accusing me with raping him. I never kept it a secret that I don't really care about gender. We found out, that a few other members of our group had not so voluntarily sex that night with somebody. It turned out, our drinks were spiked with some shit, that made us behave like horny rabbits. Since that…

Dean is suddenly silenced by Cas's mouth on his, then he pulls away with a yelp, as Cas – again – slaps the back of his head.

- A bit more sympathy would be nice, Cas!

Dean is rubbing the sore spot on his head while glaring at his husband.

– Oh, believe me, I am being sympathetic Dean… with my prostate, which apparently never will be able to feel the sensation of your cock rubbing against it!

At the image Dean's brain short circuits and he is rock hard in his jeans so fast, that it hurts.

- And all of it because of one stupid 18 year old asshole who wasn't man enough to admit, that he is gay and enjoyed being fucked while drunk-high. I am sorry for what happened to you, but listen very carefully, because I'm going to spell it out for you, Winchester only once. I am no 18 year old asshole nor am I drunk or drugged. I am your HUSBAND and I want you to fuck the hell out of me. Are we clear?

– Y…yes…

- Great! Now listen to me very-very-very carefully Dean. If I am not fucked by you by sunrise I'm going to fill in for divorce. Clear?

– Wh…WHAT?

– You've heard me, Assbutt! – and there is this 'no-bullshit' spark in Cas's eyes which Dean knows so well. It's rare, but still he saw it enough times to know, he's a dead man if he doesn't pull his shit together.

So Dean gulps and nods. Cas seems to be satisfied with the 'answer', gets up and unties Midnight's head-stall.

- Come on! We need to get back. At least I do. Have a husband to fuck me.

Dean almost loses consciousness because of the lack of blood in his upside's-brain.

Still as he gets up – on his FEET this time – he feels the weight lifting from his heart with light-speed, and he stares at Cas with awe – again. The guy is seriously amazing.

* * *

**Soooo, next is the GAME-chapter, and after that the bottom!Cas chapter. So two chapters of smut are coming up soon, but the bottom!Cas will have some fluff in it, I think :)) not sure yet, but I think Dean is going to melt XD**


	23. On the First Day of Solitude

**So, I decided to upload the three games in different chapters, don't know yet if the 2nd and 3rd games will be also devided or put in one chapter, let's see tomorrow (?)**

**Or some bottom Cas.**

**Not sure yet, but gonna write everything I promised. It's a promise :)**

* * *

Dean thinks that Cas might enjoy their new little habits, THE games a bit too much. Of course Dean has to admit, that he LOVES them. Cas is creative and he IS the devil if it comes to tormenting Dean with his ideas.

This one though? A whole new level of wickedness. It started two days ago, when Cas left again for another assignment. For three days.  
The first day Dean woke up to an empty bed and to the smell of coffee and pancakes. He went to the kitchen, only to find it empty. So Cas left already. With a sigh Dean sat down and started to drink his lukewarm coffee and that was when he saw the note on the kitchen table.

He picked it up and read it.  
"Dean!"  
Yeah, of course. No "dear" or any "beloved"… Cas sure knows how to make a guy feel important.  
"I left you something on the coffee-table. Three envelopes. Each one of them has a number written on it between 1 and 3. Number one is for today. You are only allowed to open today's envelope. The second one is for tomorrow and the third one is for the last day. DON'T YOU DARE OPEN THEM, earlier SLUT! If you do I'll know and there will be a severe punishment for you upon my returning. I hope we are clear.  
So there is an envelope for each day I'm absent and they maintain tasks for you to finish exactly as it is written there. Don't forget, you ARE my little obedient slut and if you do good I am going to reward you. Would you like to be rewarded, slut?

PS.: There is some left-over pie in the fridge, Gabe came by in the morning while you were sleeping and left it for you. He thinks it might help you to survive my absence. Very generous of him. Enjoy it!

Cas"

Dean is kinda aroused while reading the stiff but very-very dominating words and he is looking forward to the new game Cas came up with. But upon reading the post-script, he can't help but burst out laughing, because really, Cas? Really? The guy is just priceless.

Dean is still grinning with this stupid, warm feeling spreading in his chest as he picks up the envelope with number one written on it and opens it.

The grin disappears and Dean just can't breathe, as every little blood-cell from his upper body goes south.

The note is the following:  
"I am going to call you at a random time today, only one ring (if I let it ring more than one time, PICK UP!), so pay attention to your cell phone. As soon as I call you, you have to drop whatever you are doing, find a bathroom or an alley or if you are lucky, you'll be at home at the time, and you have to masturbate. You only have 20 minutes from the second I call you to reach orgasm. However you are not allowed to touch your cock while masturbating, you have to reach orgasm only with your fingers up in your sweet, slutty ass. If you fail, there will be punishment for it."

And that's it.

Dean is kinda happy that he retired last year – after a pretty bad accident which cost several lives, one of them a firefighter, a hot-headed rookie Dean just hired a month previous, and Dean also got injured – and that today is Saturday, because it means no training – yes he is training young firefighters – and no meetings – Dean also works as a freelancer fire-safety advisor for multiple companies now – because the worst thing could happen, is that he is at Sam's place at the time the bastard rings. And that thought actually makes Dean grin.

But the grin is all but forgotten at the time Cas rings. Dean is out grocery shopping – the sly dog sent him a text to buy a few things, and Dean has kinda forgotten about the note. So Dean is standing in the middle of a crowded – it IS Saturday – supermarket, and he spends precious seconds frozen in disbelief.

Then his upstairs brain kicks in and he starts to think feverishly. As to WHERE?

- Son of a bitch!

Impala in the lot? No way. The glasses are pretty much transparent. Driving somewhere? No chance. Bathroom…

- Son of a bitch! – with that Dean drops the basket and bolts for the men's room, which is empty – thank GOD!

He stops dead in his track as he realizes that he has no lube.

- Son of a BITCH!

There is liquid-soap on the sink, so he steals the pump-bottle and locks himself in the nearest stall. He unbuckles his belt and shoves his jeans alongside with his boxers down to his knees, pours a generous amount of soap into his palm – damn Cas it is going to be very uncomfortable in his jeans later – coats his fingers in it, and starts circling his whole, lubing himself.

The first finger slips in easily and he sighs at the feeling. He doesn't have to strain himself to picture Cas watching him, commanding him, like at that very first time, many years ago, when Cas surprised him with his new dominance-game in the kitchen.  
He re-lives the memory, Cas's voice all deep and raspy, bossy and thick with want and arousal, watching Dean opening up himself.

He needs to remind himself at where he is right now, and choke back a moan, as he starts finger-fuck himself, crocking his finger inside of himself. He founds his sweet-spot in no time – one of the perks being a perfect submissive in bed – and starts to massage it, almost crying out by the feeling jolts through his body.

He can almost hear Cas's voice, telling him how beautiful he is, how perfect Dean is – another times, where Cas is loving and caring, praising Dean with so much care and love in his voice, that Dean wants to cry, because he believes it.  
Soon a second, slippery finger joins the first one, and Dean pick up pace, fucking himself open and wide in earnest, forgetting where he is, and just enjoying the feeling. It's a miracle he can keep his mouth shut – another perks of being a perfect sub, he can be silent the whole time Cas fucks him if he's been ordered to do so – but he manages.

His cock is achingly hard, but he pays no attention to it, his mind – ok, not so much his mind, but reflexes – are concentrated on the pleasure caused by his fingers, and another picture of Cas slips into his imagination. Cas, fingering and rimming Dean open, his wicked tongue doing things to Dean. Dirty things. With the image in his head, he adds the third finger, and fucks himself hard and fast, hitting his own prostate with each thrust.

Cas's voice is so clear in his head, that it's almost real, encouraging Dean, telling him again and again, that he is a needy little slut, but Cas loves it, and is very proud of him. His cock is leaking pre-come and he has to support himself by leaning into the door, holding himself up with one hand, the other one otherwise occupied.  
He needs to come, like yesterday. He needs his release and he wants to feel Cas inside, fucking him raw and open or slow and tender, he is past caring about 'how' he just needs it. Period.

With a last image popping into his head, Cas ordering him to come now, he does. Hard. Fucking himself through it lazily and moaning softly while biting into his arms flesh to keep quiet.

Soon he is spent and content, but his legs are wobbly, week at the knees, so he closes the toilet lid, pulls up his underwear and jeans, and sits down on hit, heavily. He is still trying to catch his breath, when his phone rings again, but this time it doesn't stop after one ring – thank god! – so he picks up.

- Hey, Cas.

- Dean. – Cas's voice is just a low growl, he sounds aroused. – Tell me! Everything!

- I made it, Cas. I'm at the men's room in that stupid supermarket; my ass is still leaking the soap I used for lubrication. I had three fingers up there, and my mind was full of images with you. I wanted you inside of me Cas, so badly…

Cas's breath hitches, and Dean can hear him moan. Yep his beloved husband is enjoying himself right now, and at the thought Dean's cock gives an interested twitch, but yeah. Both, Dean and Little Dean are way past of being a teenager. Not going to happen. Sadly.

- Oh, Dean. After I rang you I started to stroke myself. I imagined you somewhere in public, fucking yourself open for me, and I almost called you up again, just to hear your voice while you are coming. I am so hard for you Dean. I am still very-very hard. I wanted to hear your fucked out voice and come while you are telling me every dirty detail. Oh God, Dean I miss you so much…

Cas's voice brakes and he stops talking, and Dean is listening to his little, desperate moans at the other end of the line.

- Cas, it was so good. In my mind you were rimming me, fucking me until I forgot my own name. I could feel your tongue inside of me, then your cock rubbing against my prostate. I could hear your voice telling me to go faster, I've heard you praising me, and telling me how much you love my ass… And I came so-so hard by imagining you ordering me to come…

Dean can hear Cas losing it. He growls, deep and low in his throat, then cries out and Dean can see him behind his closed eyelids – when did he close his eyes? – clearly as if Cas was there with him. Dean loves watching Cas coming. The guy lookes just way too beautiful. The rapture, the complete devotion on his face, sucking on his lower lip, all pink-cheeked and just happy and trusting.

Dean can hear Cas regaining his breath, and asks:

- You good, Cas?

- Yes, Dean. I am good.

- Huh! That was hot, dude! Like seriously hot… Didn't except you calling me for this little after-play.

- Wouldn't miss it for the world. Picturing you doing those things I told you to yourself, preferably in public…

- Speaking of. You little ass! You sent me that message about the grocery on purpose. Am I right?

- Hm. Seriously? Yes. I was kinda hoping you'd be bored enough by now to go out as soon as you received my message.

- You manipulating little dick! – but Dean knows very well that Cas can hear the amusement in his voice.

- Hmmm, I'm not sure about that Dean, but you might need some memory-refreshment after I got back home.

- Huh?

- Which part of my dick is little in your dictionary?

At that Dean cracks up laughing, and he can hear the smile in Cas's voice.

- I have to go Dean, have a nice day and give my regards to Sam if you'd decide to visit him… - there is a sudden silence, and Dean freezes.

- Don't you DARE! – that asshole of a husband of his is capable of calling up Sam and telling him to invite Dean over, and give him some shitty explanation that would make Sam FORCE Dean to go over.

The only answer he gets is a low, dangerous chuckle and he can picture the devilish grin accompanying it on that smug bastards face.

- You sure?

- I think I'm gonna stay home for today, you evil son of a bitch!

- Hm, let's see about that, Dean.

- Cas?! – the line goes dead. – Cas! Cas you little fucker, don't you fucking DARE…

But there is no answer from the dead line, and Dean has the feeling that he is screwed. He found the idea earlier hilarious, but right now? He is a bit worried. He really should stay home today. And tomorrow. And after that.

But then, he remembers. Cas's envelope with number 3 written on it. And his Monday evening business-dinner. DAMN!

Somebody entering the wahsroom shakes him up. He needs to clean up a little and leave. Probably very fast. He spent almost half an hour in there and abandoned his basket in the middle of the supermarket. Yep, not customer of the month.

But on the whole way home, he just can't wipe that stupid - almost goofy, if the rearview-mirror is anything to go by - grin off his face. This IS going to be fun.

* * *

**Thoughts?**

**Fluff vs Smut level? Whaddaya think? :))**


End file.
